


A Time Without You

by Koda_Kitten



Series: Levi's Time Travel Series [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Drama, F/M, Manga Spoilers, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-06-10 02:21:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 39,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15281457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Koda_Kitten/pseuds/Koda_Kitten
Summary: ▪Book 2▪《Levi x Reader》|Levi's Series|✦•······················•✦•······················•✦8 months have passed since (Y/N) Jaeger had returned home. She finds herself celebrating Christmas with her mother and an unexpected guest who decided to move back into town. While (Y/N) is slowly moving on with her life she finds that her old high school friend and crush has feelings for her. What will she do now that he has returned? Who is this guy?Levi, since the last time (Y/N), saw him he was madly in love with her and tried everything in his power to keep her from leaving. With the truth out, he tries to wrap his mind around the concept. With (Y/N) still in his heart he is determined to see her again whatever the cost, but before he can do that he has to finish his duties as a soldier.Will these two be able to see each other again? And will (Y/N) allow herself to fall for someone else? Or remain tied to a man she can never see again?✦•······················•✦•······················•✦{All rights go to their rightful owners. I do not own any of the Attack on Titan characters, art, music or clothing designs that may be shown throughout this book.}☆Updated: Complete☆





	1. Memories

_Previously on A Time With You..._

~(Y/N)~

 

I shot up from the ground going straight into a coughing fit, my throat began to burn as I vomited onto the green grass. Like before my vision was blurred, but the nausea was new, on all fours, I feel around for my bag.

Once I felt the fabric I heard twigs snapping not too far from where I was. "Over here! I think someone's hurt." I hear a male voice call.

I was then felt weak again and fell limp to the ground hearing the footsteps get closer. "Fräulein are you okay?" a man asks.

I quickly shook my head then feel someone grab my shoulder. "What is your name?" he asks. There was a bright light from there flashlight shining down at me, blinding me.

"I'm (Y/N) Jaeger."

 

~8 Months Later~

~Memory/Dream~

 

 _"She's waking up." I hear a woman say. My eyes slowly opened starting out slightly blurred but eventually faded into a clearer view. It was a bleach blonde woman in a light blue scrubs and a white coat. I let out a soft groan and look to the woman._   
  
_"Where am I?" I ask in a raspy tone._   
  
_She was checking my stats by the look of it. "You're in the hospital, some guys found you in the middle of the woods." she tells me._   
  
_"What's the date?" I ask._   
  
_"April 19th, 2018." she answers. I let out a sigh and shut my eyes again with a slight smile. With my left hand, I felt for the necklace but felt nothing._   
  
_My eyes opened again a little wider this time. "Where is it?" I mutter. The doctor smiled and held up a plastic bag revealing some of my belongings._   
  
_"Your necklace was in here. And your bag is on the left side of the bed... why don't you go back to sleep, tomorrow your mother and friend will be here in the morning." she tells me. Nodding my head I lay back and let out a sigh._   
  
_"Where is she?!" I hear a woman shout. My head rises again to see what was happening, an older woman with darker hair was frantically searching while a younger girl with dirty blonde hair followed her._   
  
_When they looked into my room they stopped in their tracks. Their eyes widened and smiles grew on their faces at the sight of me. "(Y/N)!" they both screamed before running over to me. They both took me into their arms, I was drawing a blank when I saw their faces._   
  
_When they released me I stared at them confused. Both of their smiles dropped as it dawned on them that I didn't remember them. The doctor was ready to tell them to leave but she looked at me in slight confusion. "(Y/N)... do you know who they are?" the woman asks._   
  
_I slowly shook my head. They seemed a little familiar but what they were to me or their names were didn't come to mind. The older woman then held onto the younger like she was falling apart at the fact I didn't remember her. "Okay, Mrs. Jaeger I will run some scans and talk to you both tomorrow, for now (Y/N) needs rest." the doctor says._   
  
_They both nodded and turned away from me. Exiting through the door I see the dirty blonde one looking back at me with sad eyes. Once the door shut I lean over to the left and grab my bag, lifting it up I set it in my lap and begin going through my things. There I found my small journal where I had written everything down in thorough detail during my time as a Scout._   
  
_As I flipped through the pages I found that my writing remained the same, which brought me relief knowing now that I'd be able to remember them. Each and every one of them even now that I'm... home._   


~Memory/Dream Over~

 

I shot up from my bed, with a sigh I turn my head to the left looking at the digital clock. It was 3 a.m. Quickly I stumble out of bed and walk over to the calendar by my door. It was the 24th of December. The year was 2018.

About eight months ago I had returned and went through some short-term amnesia. But that was eight months ago, now my memory was fully restored. I remembered it all... Lizzi, my mom... dad... Everything.

I heard my phone buzz loudly against my bedside table on the right side. Walking back over I sit on the edge of my bed and grab my phone. It was my mother,  _'Hey, are you still coming tomorrow for dinner? I have a few other guests I'll be inviting.'_  it read. It was sent around ten pm, right before I went to sleep.  _I must've ignored it._

There was no sense in texting her now, so I shut my phone off and set it back where I found it. Climbing back into bed I pull the covers back over my legs and up to my waist. Laying on my back I look up at the ceiling. The day after tomorrow- or after today will be Levi's birthday... if I had stayed longer I would've been able to celebrate it with him.

I shot up to the sound of a soft meow coming from the hall. Through the darkness, I saw my white fluffy cat walk through the doorway and over to the edge of the bed. Startled by her jumping up onto the bed I jolt a little but then reach for her. "Hi, Duchess." I greet.

Spinning in a circle on my lap she finally laid down. Looking down at her, I gently run my nails through her soft fur. Soft purs resonate from her which helped me relax. Leaning back on the pillows I sat there for an hour or so, I would've gone back to sleep but I didn't want to disturb my cat.

When it was nearly five in the morning my cat finally jumped off of me and ran out of the room. Sliding down I lay back down on my back and slowly close my eyes and fall back asleep.


	2. The Last Time I Saw Him

~8 Months Earlier~

~Levi~

 

I pushed myself off the tree hand stomped back to Hanji. Grabbing the collar of her shirt I lift her slightly. "You're going to tell me everything you know." I growl.

With a nervous smile, she nodded immediately after. I release her and step pass her, I wanted to believe this was all a dream, that if I head back now (Y/N) would still be there. Running down the trail I decided to head back as fast as I could.

As I came to the large building and slipped inside. Running back to my room I ran past a few cadets, although my name was being called I ignored it. Once I reached my bedroom I opened the door hoping that (Y/N) was just messing with me.

With my hand on the knob, I twist it slightly and push the door inward. The room was empty and my shoulders sank, on the bed was the letter I just read. The letter that would rip my heart out again. Walking into the room I shut the door behind me and step over to the bed.

Taking the envelope and letter into my hands I fold the letter back up and stick it into the envelope. But as my fingers slip out of the pocket, I felt something else, another slip of paper. Pulling it out I look to find an image, it was her along with a bunch of faces I didn't recognize.

Flipping it on the back I find numbers written.  _2018._  I assumed she wanted to give me this so I'd never forget what she looked like. But that wasn't going to help. I wanted to go after her, bring her back but I knew that my work here was far from done. "Tch, dammit." I hiss.

Getting back up I decided to go back to Hanji, force her to help me. Storming to the door I whip it open and exit the room, I stomped my way down to her office. When I had reached the door with my right foot I kick it hard causing it to break open.

Luckily Hanji had just come back, startled she looked at me in shock. With my right hand, I slam the door shut and storm towards her. "Levi, please calm down. I'll explain everything but you need to calm down." she says as she quickly makes her way over to the counter filled with lab equipment.

I slapped (Y/N)'s photo down on the counter. "You're going to help me. I'm going after her." I growl. She looked at me as if I was crazy but then looked down at the picture. I was done losing the people I cared for, and (Y/N) wasn't going to simply leave me like that.

"Levi... you couldn't possibly, we still have a shit ton of work to do-

"Obviously, I didn't say when but I will go to her. No matter what it takes, I will bring her back." I bark back. It was selfish of me, even if she was losing her memory here.

"You realize that she's lost pieces of her memories right? Do you really think she's gonna wanna come back and lose more? Sure her life may have been shitty but I'm sure she's got friends she still cares for-

"We will cross that bridge when we come to it... but I am done losing people." I snap. My head darted to the ground in slight embarrassment from admitting how hard this was becoming for me. But it was true... I couldn't lose anyone else.

 

~Present~

~(Y/N)~

 

Waking up again, I got ready for the day. Since it was Christmas break, I didn't need to go to class for another couple of weeks. Dressing in mostly black, I step out of the bathroom to be greeted by Duchess rolling around on the floor. Smiling I pick her up and carry her towards the kitchen where I set her on the counter in front of her empty bowl.

Bending down I get the small cup and scoop up some cat food from the container hidden in a cabinet next to the sink. Standing up straight I then pour the food into the bowl, Duchess began eating her food and purring at the same time.

Walking away I head for the front door, there I slip on my winter coat and boots. Then next I grab my keys and makes my way to the door. "Bye, Duchess." I call just before shutting the door. With that, I walk down the hallway until I reached the stairs.

When I exited the building I stop right in front of my parked car. Getting in from the sidewalk I turn on the car then slowly pull away from the curb. It had been months since I last seen my mother, we were on okay terms and talking but with her... she was unpredictable.

It had been snowing since last night, so with a fresh layer, it meant I had to be cautious. My mother's how was about ten, maybe fifteen minutes away depending on traffic.

When I reached the house, I slowly turn into the driveway. As I shut off the car, I watch my mother come running out of the house in her boots but no coat. Stepping out of the car I was greeted with warm arms wrapping around me. Hesitant at first I stand there as she sways us back and forth before slowly placing my hands on her back.

Afterward, she releases me. "Let's go, it's freezing." she says. Pursing my lips together I nod and follow her inside. As we both stepped into the foyer I stomp on the carpet to get the excess snow off my boots. Slipping off my coat I hang it on the rack revealing the black turtle-neck I was wearing along with my dark grey jeans. Slowly I pull off my boots then follow my mother into the kitchen where she had been cooking up the Christmas Eve dinner for this evening.

"You said you had someone coming over? Is it Lizzi?" I ask. Honestly, I hoped Lizzi wasn't coming, her and I had issues a few months back due to her bringing me into her drama. My mother shook her head and smiled.

"It's a surprise." she says.

Coming up next to her I take over with peelings potatoes for our potato dumplings. Keeping my eyes on the peeler my mother chuckled softly. As I continued to do some of the cooking my mother giggled when she heard the front door open. Turning to her she mouthed 'They're here.' Rolling my eyes I turn back to the potatoes, I place the already peeled ones into a small pot and let them cook for a while.

I could hear my mother greeting whoever just entered, soon after I heard their footsteps make their way closer to the kitchen. When they both reached the archway I saw him, he looked no different from the last time I saw him. As he looked up at me, a smile spread across his face. "Hey." he greets. 


	3. The Jaeger Family

~(Y/N)~

~Memory~

 

_I was standing here waiting for it all to be over, raising my head up to look around I could see from the corner of my eye the front door opening._

_So, I step back and see him, a tall pale man with dark brown hair that barely touched his shoulders. His eyes were deep green, and he could sense that my (e/c) ones were looking at him. "There's my lassie!" he says._

_His accent was Scottish and deep with a nice ring to it. But still, I was confused because he was talking to me. Looking to my left then right I wondered if he was speaking to someone else. But when I looked back I watched him smile at me and make his way over to me. His large body seemed to make the floors vibrate a little, or maybe it was just me. "Why do ya look so confused Bonnie?" he asks._

_As he grew closer I stepped back until he stopped. With my plate of food I quickly rush around him, from there I went to the kitchen. Who was that man?_

_In the kitchen, with my plate of food, I took a bite of a chip, while reaching for the bottle of beer. As I was reaching for the drink my mother swooped in and slapped my hand. "Ow Ma, I just want a drink-_

_"No drinking, go back out there Andrew wants to see you." she says, then she took a hold of my upper arm and began dragging me back out to the living room._

_"Who is Andrew?" I ask._

_As we were turning the corner the same man ran into us. "This is Andrew. Don't you remember him?" she asks. The handsome man smiled at me and seemed a little confused._

_"It's me (N/N), Andrew... we were best friends in high school." he says._

_I stood there behind my mother shaking my head. The man named Andrew smiled and looked at my mother like what-the-fuck-happened? "Mrs. Jaeger, may I have a word?" he asks._

_My mother nods and releases my wrist. Walking over to the corner with him I stood there in the crowd of people who were beginning to leave. Crossing my arms I stood there waiting for them both to come back. After a couple of seconds away he stood up straight and looked back at me with sympathetic eyes, then he looked back down at my mother as she continued to tell him._

_After about five or so minutes they both came back. "I'm sorry (N/N), I didn't know." he says. I force a smile and nod once._

_"It's okay." I say. With arms still crossed I look at my mother and she seemed to finally get the message. She seemed to let out a long sigh before clapping rather loudly._

_"Everybody out!" she shouts._

_"Except you Andrew, you can stay and... catch up." she says._

 

~Memory Over~

 

"Hi." I answer.

It had been a while since I had seen him. He had left town after watching me fight with my mother over the fact she was trying to set us up. As he slowly steps in he opens his arms out to me. "You remember now right? You remember me?" he asks.

I force a smile and nod my head. Slowly I meet him halfway before he caught me in his arms.  _Holy hell he got muscular._ My hands rested on his firm chest trying to keep some distance from him and I. As he slowly pulls back, his hands remain on my hips, "You look good (N/N)." he says.

My eyes shot down looking at the floor. "T-thanks." I mutter. Has his hands slip from my hips he took my hands in his, looking up again I watch him only kiss one hand. My eyes then darted back watching my mother, she seemed a little too happy watching the two of us interact. Swiping my hands out of his grasp I smile and wipe his kiss off my hands.

Turning away I go back to cooking. "Com'on Andrew, why don't you help me make my famous eggnog." my mother says as she pulls Andrew along with her towards the fridge. I on the other hands kept working on peeling a few more potatoes... to make sure we'd have enough now that we have our guest.

 

~Two Months After Historia Takes the Throne~

~Levi~

 

"Ah good... look like there's no water down there." Hanji says as she shines the light down the steps.

Eren's basement, after all the shit the scouts had been through we had reached the basement. The very basement that would tell us more about the titans. Unfortunately, there weren't many to witness this moment, not even the commander himself. Standing at the top of the steps I looked over at the two brats, it had been weeks now since (Y/N) left us to return to her time.

I still was trying to comprehend this whole shitty situation, but for now, it would have to be put off until my mission was finished. "Come on." Mikasa says as she looks at Eren.

I led the small group down with my light pointing into the darkness, I didn't know what else could be down here other than dust and mildew. At the bottom of the stairs was a door, I stop and glance back up watching Eren as he took his steps slowly and took the key into his hand. "Open it." I order.

I watch him step up to the door and pull the key off around his neck. He then took the lock into his hands and attempted to place the key in the hole. "What? This is-

"What's wrong?" Hanji asks.

"This key doesn't open this door." Eren answers, he turns his head to me looking worried wondering how he would get into the room.

"But-

I then stepped forward and pushed Eren back. "I'll open it." I groan. Raising my right foot I then kick the door inward until it caved in and began breaking. When the lock was no longer attached to the wall beside the door I push the door in and we entered the office.

I headed for the medicine cabinet to see if there was anything unusual while Hanji checked the books. As I picked up a few bottles I looked at the labels. "If what's on the label is really in these bottles then this is normal medicine." I say.

"And these are all just medical books." Hanji then says.

"At first glance, it just seems like a normal office... 'nothing out of the ordinary'." I say.

As I place the bottles down I look up. "I think that's what it's meant to look like." Hanji says.

"Right... something that would cause trouble with the central Military Police wouldn't be placed out in the open like this..." I stop and turn to the two brats who were just standing there. "Don't just stand there, Erwin wouldn't have been thrown off this easily." I tell them.

"Yes sir." they both say after both began to move around and start looking for clues. I go back to searching hoping to find something hidden within books... maybe some cut out pages or something hidden in the shelves. But nothing.

"Eren." I hear Mikasa call. We all turn to her finding her bent over in front of Doctor Jaeger's desk. "There's a keyhole here." she says.

We all head for the desk, while Eren takes Mikasa's place he takes his necklace off again. Carefully he lined up his key with the whole. Once it was in he turned it and we hear a soft click. Quickly now Eren pulls the drawer out. "It's empty?!" he questions.

I lean in closer. "Look closer, it's got a false bottom." I tell him. Eren then pulls the false bottom off revealing three books. Pulling them out we decided to look at the one Eren had been holding, both Eren and Mikasa looked at each other before opening the book. And on the very first page was a picture or so it said on the back of it.

 _'This is no drawing. This was made by burning the light reflected back from the portrayed object onto a special kind of paper it's called a 'photograph.' I came from a place where humans lead a luxurious life, outside the walls. Humanity has not perished."_    


	4. Sweet Christmas

~(Y/N)~

 

It was the first real Christmas I've had in sixteen years. As we all sat in the living room with our few presents my mother started off first with opening her gifts. One by one she opened her gifts and we moved down the line next was Andrew then me.

In one of the smaller boxes, I had gotten from my mother a necklace. "It was your grandmother's, it's been passed down and now you can have it." she says. I smiled then thanked her before putting it on. It was a locket with the letter J carved into it and on the inside were words in German.  _'Wenn du gewinnst, lebst du. Wenn du verlierst, stirbst du. Wenn Sie nicht kämpfen, können Sie nicht gewinnen'_

Translated it would say.  _'_ _If you win, you live. If you lose, you die. If you do not fight, you can not win'_. "Where did you get this?" I ask.

My mother shrugs her shoulders. "Like I said it was your grandmother's... it had been passed down for many generations so it's pretty old. I replaced the chain because it was getting so old." she says.

I shut the locket and move on to the next gift. By the time we had finished that we all gathered around to have breakfast. We all sat around laughing and having pleasant conversation.

 

~Time Skip~

 

Andrew and I both got our coats and boots on ready to head over to my place. I hugged my mother goodbye and I as I pulled back she gave me a wink. "Good luck." she mouths. Rolling my eyes I turn back facing Andrew who was waiting by the door.

"I'll call you later ma." I call as we both head out the door. Walking over to my car, I look back finding Andrew getting into his. Slipping in I quickly pull out of the driveway and onto the main road, slowly I began driving forward back to my place with Andrew following close behind.

When we reached my apartment we both parked beside each other in the parking garage. Taking the elevator up to the 9th floor we both stood there silently watching as the numbers counted up. When it stopped the doors opened at the floor, stepping out I led him to the fifth door down on the left. Room 9J. With my keys, I unlock the door and step in then to the side allowing Andrew to step in.

"Nice place." he says.

"Thanks." I mutter.

Then I heard hissing, looking around I tried to find Duchess, that was until I found her on the table by the door. Her eyes locked to Andrew, her tail was fluffed up and her back curved upward to make herself look bigger. Quicky I turn and pick her up. "Duchess, you be nice." I tell her, but it was no use her eyes were locked on the man in front of me, she stared at him like he was some kind of intruder. In my head, I was saying  _'That's my girl'_. Walking into the living room I set her on the couch and my hand glides over her back to brush down the fur.

"Sorry about that, she's not used to visitors... especially men." I mutter.

"It's fine, I'm sure she'll warm up eventually." he says. I smile and turn around, the way he worded it was as if he was going to be coming around more often or something, maybe it was me. I turn away and head to the kitchen to get a drink.

"You want anything?" I ask.

"No I'm okay." he answers.

With that, I grabbed myself a bottle of water. Opening it I quickly take a sip and look out my window, it was snowing again. "Ow!" I hear Andrew hiss. Turning to him I find him holding his hand as he stood in front of Duchess.

"Duchess!" I call in shock.

The cat came jumping off the back of the couch and laid down on the table. Picking her up off the table I quickly head to my room to put her in there. Opening the door, just before dropping her on the floor I bring her closer to my face. "You're a pain in the ass, you're lucky I love you." I mutter. She began to purr just before I put her down on the floor. Shutting the door I then turn back and walk over to Andrew who was still holding his hand.

"Here let me." I say, as he extended his injured hand out to me I found four little scratches bleeding. I then tug him over to the bathroom, I have him sit on the closed toilet while I grabbed out peroxide and band-aids. With a cotton ball, I douse some peroxide on it then turn to his hand and dab it lightly.

He hisses softly but takes the slight sting as it comes. After I had cleaned it out I placed a larger band-aid on all four of the scratches. "I think you'll live." I say. He smiled and stands up.

"Thanks." he says.

 

~Time Skip~

 

Later that evening after Andrew had left, I got ready for bed like I normally did. After a quick shower, I had brushed my teeth and did my business before heading to my room. Climbing onto my bed, I hear the jingling of Duchess's collar as she jumped on my bed. I get under the covers and lay on my back allowing my cat to lay on my stomach like she had been doing for the past couple of nights for about an hour or so before getting off.

Leaning to the side I turn off the light and shut my eyes. "Good night Duchess." I mutter.

 

_~Memory/Dream~_

 

_Running through the house, it was filled with laughter. My little feet pattering against the wood floors. I cut to the left heading into the kitchen. "I'm gonna getcha!" I hear a masculine voice call._

_I got on my hands and knees, crawling on the floor I made a beeline for the table where I hid under. Soft giggles escaped my mouth as I sat under the table waiting for my dad to find me. I waited but heard nothing now. "No Erick! You don't get it! I'm busting my ass to support this family- and all you do is sit on your ass all day and play with our daughter. She needs to be getting ready for school! She's not gonna get far when she's playing hide n'fuckin seek all damn day." I hear a woman scold._

_"She has time Katherine, stop being such a bitch. I'm looking for a job!" my father yells back._

_"You've been saying that for six months Erick. And to be frank, if you don't hurry the hell up, you're outta here." my mother tells him._

_There were footsteps then a loud bang. "Katherine come on! What about our daughter? You don't really want to do that to her huh?" I hear my father plead._

_"Not my problem. If you get kicked out take her with ya, I got no extra money to take care of her anyway." I hear her say. She had entered the bathroom that had two doors, one in the kitchen and dining room then one in the foyer._

 

~End of Memory/Dream~


	5. I Remember It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Warning*: This chapter contains sexual content, if you do not like this kind of stuff then please skip this chapter.

~(Y/N)~

 

_~Memory/Dream~_

 

_I knelt down in front of Levi sitting between his legs. Resting both hands on his thigh, looking up at his face I could see the sadness already fading in. The room was dark only lit by a single candle, with both hands I took his face into my hands forcing him to look at me._

_His damp hair stuck to the side of his forehead. His eyes looked back at mine as he frowned gently. Slowly I pull his face down, tilting my head back slightly my lips fell onto his gently. He relaxes into the kiss letting out a long sigh while both his hands wrapped around my wrists._

_Levi slowly pulled my hands off his face then took me into his arms to deepen the kiss that was slowly becoming more heated. His grip was tight and his kiss became more rough, his tongue gently raced against my bottom lip asking entrance._

_Instead of allowing him in I pull back out of his arms and stand up right in front of him. Grabbing the edge of my shirt I pull it up and over my head and toss it off to the side to reveal a white bra underneath._

_Then taking a seat on his lap I lock lips with him again repeatedly kissing his lips with soft pecks. His arms wrapped around my waist causing me to press against his bare chest. After a few minutes of kissing he trailed down starting at my jaw then leading down to my collarbone._

_He softly bit down on the sweet spot shortly after finding it. I knew it would lead a little bruise the next morning. I tilt my head back exposing more of my neck as he continues to kiss and suck at the sweet-spot._

_Then I felt his hand slowly slip under the strap of my bra, his fingers hooked around it and began pulling the strap off my shoulders. Levi's other hand crept behind my back and unclipped my bra as it came loose Levi fell back a little ways allowing it to fall off my shoulders._

_Then with the same hand that unclipped it he yanks the front of it off exposing my chest to him. Instinctively my hands cover my breasts from his eyes, he smirked gently before taking both my hands, he pried them away and his eyes immediately took in the view._

_My face was on fire at this point, Levi then flipped us around and stood up off the bed while I sat there. He then knelt down to the ground taking one foot into his hand, he was going to remove my shoes and pants by the looks of it. But he doesn't take them off yet, his eyes instead looked directly at me in a serious expression._

_"Are you sure you wanna do this? I don't wanna do anything you'll regret." he says._

_I nodded my head right after he asked. "I'm sure." I tell him in a hushed tone._

_With that he continued his actions and pulled off one boot, then the next. I unbuckled my belt to save him the trouble, grabbing the bottom of the pants at my ankle he slowly began to pull my pants down._

_When they came off he tossed them on the floor. Knowing him right after he'd probably want them picked up. Then this holding my left leg he began kissing up my leg starting just below the knee. He then reached my hip and hooked his fingers around the dainty fabric of my underwear._

_I maneuvered myself allowing him to take them off. Then he pulled them off in one swoop leaving me completely exposed, he then stood up and began undressing himself. "Get on the bed right." he orders._

_Quickly lifting myself slightly I slide back onto the bed while his pants drop to his ankles. Falling back onto the bed I watch him climb up and tower over me. His lips fell onto mine again much harder this time than before, he wasn't holding back anymore and I didn't care how rough he got._

_After a couple minutes he left my lips and kissed his way down to my chest before taking my right bud into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it, I bite my bottom lip hoping to suppress my moans. Levi gently bit down on my erect bud making me gasp and moan._ __  
__  
_I could feel him smirk against my skin at his victory. His other hand grasped my left breast gently, his thumb flicked across the bud causing it to harden within seconds stimulating me more._ __  
__  
_Then, his right hand then pulled the other side of my nightgown down revealing the other breast for his eyes to devour. His lips left my bud, letting out a loud sigh I watch as he switches treatment. "Levi~" I moan._ __  
_  
_ _Levi's tongue then dragged across the hardened bud making me whimper. I quickly bite my lip knowing that there were people next door and the walls were pretty thin here. This seemed to tick Levi off, once his mouth left my chest I could see him glaring down at me._

_His right hand then reached down until his fingers grazed at my nether regions. With his pointer and middle finger into my dripping wet core. His fingers curled against my walls in a come hither motion before thrusting them in, and out roughly so I wouldn't be able to keep quiet. I let out a sharp gasp as I shot up slightly watching his hand, I whimpered and groaned trying to remain quiet. Then his thumb then gentle rub at my clit again giving me slightly more pleasure._

_Looking at him I watched a devious smirk tug at his lips. "That's what you get" he mutters. Levi was enjoying torturing me, bucking my hips I tried moving closer to hoping to get more pleasure out of it only he pushed my hips down roughly stopping me from meeting his fingers. Taking hold of the sheets below me, I could feel the knot building up in my stomach wanting to release and fall into a state of euphoria. As his fingers continued to thrust in and out of me at a fast rate I felt my undoing coming fast. "Ah~ Levi!" I moan._ __  
_  
_ _He hummed approvingly as he then slowed down again, I groan in annoyance wanting him to finish me. Levi again took my left bud into his mouth, swirling his tongue ever so slowly around before flicking his wet muscle over the hardened nipple. He continued this while slowly thrusting his two fingers. But before I could finish by his hand he stopped and pulled his fingers out, letting out a sigh I fall limp. I watched as he sat up and took his erect member into his hands. He lined his member with my entrance teasingly rubbing against me._

_Subconsciously my hips begin to grind against him, wanting him to enter me, seeming to be teasing him I watched him bite his lip trying to hold himself back a little longer, but I could tell he was at his limits. "Are you sure? Because I'll stop now-_

_"Don't you dare fucking stop~." I beg._

_Taking my approval his member slowly slid into my wet core, a sharp pain struck my stomach and lower area making me whimper. As Levi continued to slowly enter me I let out painful screams trying to adjust to his size._

_Quickly I slap my hand over my mouth knowing that I would be screaming a while longer due to the pain. It felt as if my body was being torn apart, the pain was excruciating, but I didn't intend on stopping now._

_Once he had fully entered me, he nodded his head, now both of his hands he pinned my wrist above my head, leaning down he gently kissed me as if he were trying to tell me it'll be okay. I let out a sigh at the finding the pain gone, only because Levi wasn't moving._

_His lips brushed against mine trying to distract me as he slowly began rolling his hips into me as a slow pace. The pain hadn't yet subsided causing me to let out whimpers in pain with each thrust, so I bit my lip since my hands were being held down._

_Kissing me softly again I could feel his hot body press against mine. In the kiss I let out soft whimpers still feeling the pain hit me, Levi did his best to make sure he wasn't losing himself in his own attempts to fulfill his own desires and put me first._

_Soon as his thrust moved in a slow pace the pain subsided turning into pleasure. He had released my hands allowing me to cling to him. My nails dug into his back making him groan and hiss in pain, I couldn't help it. "Faster!~" I shriek. I held him close not wanting to be parted from him._

_By my command his hips rocked fasting into me. I arched my back wanting hoping for it to stimulate me more, only Levi's hands roughly grabbed my waist pushing my hips down now pounding into me at what seemed to be at an inhuman rate. His grip on my waist grew tighter as he pulled me against his hips roughly. Since now my hands were free they quickly wrapped around his neck._

_I was a moaning mess my arms wrapped around his neck feeling the knot building up faster now ready to release. Levi could tell I was getting close and he wanted to prevent it, if anything he wanted to make it last longer. Slowing down he chuckled softly before placing a teasing kiss on my lips. "I-I love you!" I moan against his lips._

_Slipping his hands underneath my back he lifted me up, now sitting in his lap with him still buried deep inside me. Thrusting up into me I felt more pleasure than I did before, he was hitting the spot that would send me over the edge sooner than before. I felt my body begin to tighten up at each stroke at the spot again nearing my end. At this point I was far from caring who heard my moans, I was too lost in the feeling._

_My arms weakly draped over his shoulders along with my head as I let out pleasured cries. Bouncing up and down with each thrust I could feel the knot building up again for the third time. I tightened my arms around his neck and hid my face in the crook of neck, I left my own marks making sure they were noticeable._

_Then, I felt Levi's sharp teeth bite down on my shoulder making me gasp and whimper in slight pain. He was biting quite hard. He must be close as well. "Fuck (Y/N)~" he grunts softly into my ear. His hot breath swept across my bare skin making me shiver slightly as I pressed my chest against his. Grinding my hips down onto his member I hear the soft grunts he lets out with every stroke._

_Although Levi wasn't all that loud I could hear his soft pants as he continued to pound into me hard and fast with all he had. "Levi~ I'm going to-" before I could finish my body completely lost itself in a euphoric state, Levi seemed to lengthen my bliss with his continuing thrusts that were growing sloppy by the second._

_"S-shit!" he groans, with a few more hard thrusts he shot his load inside me. I felt him shake as he held me close, panting softly we both fell back onto the bed where he laid on top of me for a while._

_His head rested on my chest while he tried to catch his breath. With my right hand I ran my fingers through his hair gently. "Damn... that was..."_

_"Amazing." he sighs._

_Nodding my head I watch as he slowly rolls off of me and lies beside me. Turning over onto my side I slide in closer to him while he drapes one arm along my waist. Shutting my eyes I suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion come over me and within a few minutes I was out like a light._

 

_~Memory/Dream Over~_

 

My eyes slowly opened to the sound of my alarm beeping in my ear. Slowly sitting up I slam my hand down on the clock and flip off the alarm then back on again for the next day. With the memory still fresh in my mind, I shake gently and cover my eyes.

I remembered it too clearly... the touching, kissing.. I remembered it all. As I shake my head to attempt pushing the thought back- way back, I quickly get up out of bed and walk over to my closet.  _I have work... I can't keep reminding myself... otherwise... I can't move on._   


	6. Never

~Eren~

 

I shot up screaming from the dream I had. Tears trickled down my face, but it was no dream, but a memory. A memory of my father's, I had been getting them at different times since I had the ability to shift into a titan. And because of it, I could get memories from past people who had this power. Slowly I get up out of bed and walk over to the bars. "This is... Why- am I-"

"Eren calm down, this is the disciplinary chamber. You and Mikasa are serving time for violating military rules." Armin explains.

"What is it Eren? Did you have a nightmare?" Mikasa then asks me.

"Yeah... seems so." I answer.

"Are you crying?" I hear Mikasa ask.

Turning around I lean against the bars and slide down until I hit the floor. "I feel like I just had a really long dream... but... no, it wasn't a dream... it's a memory." I mutter.

Tears continued to seep from my eyes as I let the words from my father's journals sink in. "That titan... it was you...Dina" I mutter. With the memories fresh in my head I decide to inform Armin. I began telling him.

"The owl called it, the 'curse of Ymir.' it's because they say Ymir, the original, died thirteen years after first awakening to her powers. So when you approach that time, your body begins to weaken... as the vessel finishes serving its purpose." I explain.

"This was one of the memories that matched what your dad wrote right?" Armin asks.

"Yeah." I answer.

"Hmm, and when you consider it, the Reiss family are so determined to have an heir every thirteen years... seems to confirm it. So I have thirteen years... and you?" he asks.

I took in a gulp and stare directly at him. "I have eight years... or less." I answer.

"No... it can't be." I hear. It was Mikasa in the other cell.

"If someone who holds the power of the nine titans dies without anyone inheriting it then the power will suddenly be inherited by a baby belonging to the subjects of Ymir. Distance plays no factor in this whatsoever and neither do blood relations." I inform them.

~Time Skip~

"What are you doing? The Attack Titan, that's what you just said right?" Hanji asks.  _Crap I must've been speaking out loud again._

"No." I quickly answer.

 

~Levi~

 

I unlocked the door to Eren's cell. "Whaa?! Yes, it is, you both saw right?" Hanji asks.

"Yeah, but well he was..." Armin stops.

Hanji then turns to Eren who was standing there with a blank expression. "See! It is what you were doing!-

"No- It's nothing." Eren quickly cuts in.

I roll my eyes and stand there with my hand on the door. "It's the name of the titan you inherited from your father right? Why were you talking to yourself when no one else was in here-

"Haven't you said enough? He's fifteen, everyone has a phase like this." I tell her.

"Huh? What do you mean by that? A phase, I've never had a phase where I mutter to myself alone while glaring at nothing." Hanji then says.

"Please, I'll explain later, so can you stop talking about it in front of him.... I don't even know how well I'll be able to explain it." I mutter towards the end.

"What?" she asks again. I roll my eyes.

"What are you even here for?!" Eren then shouts. Slowly opening the door I watch him calm down a bit.

"Out." I say.

Now confused he pushes himself off the wall. "But I still have about ten days left of my punishment." he tells me.

"You just got all ten days worth from Hanji." I tell him.

"What could I have said that was so bad Levi?" she then asks.

"It's important to show the members of this organization that punishment awaits everyone that does not abide by the rules. Even if the organization only have 9 members. Still, that doesn't mean we can ignore what's going on around us." I tell them.

Before the meeting, I had taken Hanji away from the brats to privately talk to her. In an empty room, I shut the door and lock it. "You gonna explain to me what kinda 'phase' Eren is going through?" Hanji asks.

I let out a 'tch' and shake my head. "I'll let you figure that out on your own. This is about... you know... the whole time thing." I say.

She purses her lips and nods. "I still think it's a bad idea. You could die, or worse be stuck there." she says.

I shake my head and walk past her. "Do you remember what I said 8 months ago? Before everything went to shit? I said I would do whatever it takes, even if it means traveling to her time and dragging her ass back here. I told you I wasn't gonna lose anyone else." I remind her.

"Then when are you going? In case you've forgotten, I'm not the greatest commander." She says.

I turn to look at her, I could understand the weight on her shoulders of having to lead, but she wasn't alone. "Erwin knew what he was doing when he chose you. And you'll have the others to help you, so you're not going to be alone." I tell her.

There was a long silence between us, surely the meeting would be starting any minute but we didn't move. "You won't regret this will you?" she asks.

I turn to her again and shake my head. "Never." 


	7. Sickening Guilt

~(Y/N)~

 

With classes not in session at the moment for winter break, it meant the only thing I could do was work or stay at home all day with my cat. I didn't make it my priority to befriend people after returning, I had become socially awkward more than I already was. I could still order for myself and what not but when it came to communicating with another person I didn't know. I would stutter and fumble a lot.

Currently, I was sitting at home with my cat on my lap watching some movies. It was my day off and I was taking full advantage of it. It had been about five days since Christmas, it was a Sunday evening at home. Tomorrow was New Year's Eve and I made no plans to celebrate.

Curled up on the couch in a pair of sweatpants, a baggy t-shirt and slippers I scrolled through the many shows of Netflix. I stopped when I heard a knock at my door, leaning forward Duchess jumped off of me and headed for the door. I set the remote down and get up, Duchess began sniffing after she brought her head up from the small crack at the bottom of the door.

"Psst." I say causing her to scurry. I then open the door and look up. My eyes widened at the visitor, I was lost for words for a moment only because I didn't expect to see him... at least not until next Christmas... or so I hoped. "Andrew." I mutter.

"Hey." he greets.

I would let him in, but considering what Duchess did to him last time, I really didn't want to take the chance of her doing something worse. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be- oh I don't know running a company?" I ask.

He chuckles and shrugs his shoulders. "We're expanding our work further. I'm having a company building built here." he says.

My mouth curves into an 'o' shape as I look down. "So you're staying- where are you staying?" I ask.

He smiles gently. "I'm upstairs room 10K." he says.  _Great._  I force a smile and begin to slowly close my door.

"That's great, I'll have to come by sometime." I say.

I was ready to shut the door on him and finish this conversation but before I could say goodbye he stops the door with his hand. "Wait! I wanted to ask you something." he says.  _Well, hurry up! Out with it!_

I continue to force a smile as I open the door back up slightly. "Yes?" I ask trying not to sound annoyed.

"I was wondering- since we'll be seeing each other a lot more... if you'd like to go out on a date with me?" he asks.

My smile drops and my shoulders fall. If I were any other girl I would've said yes, but the thing was and I know it was stupid of me but... my heart was still with Levi. I couldn't accept this- at least not now when I'm still trying to get passed leaving the man I gave my heart to. "I'm sorry Andrew... but I can't... at least not now." I tell him.

He smiles and nods understanding. "Some other time then." he says.

I purse my lips together and shut the door before he could say anything else. After the door shut I turn back and flip the lock.  _He's living upstairs!?_ "Ugh." I groan as I walk back over to the couch.  _And he asked me out!_

I fall limp on the couch laying on my stomach with my head turned towards the tv. I was hovering over 'Jane the Virgin' when my cat jumped up and on my back. I let out a tired sigh and turn my head away from the tv. My thoughts went back to Levi, and how I felt- and within the eight months of being a part my heart never seemed to let him go. And I know that he and I would never see each other again.

I shut my eyes tightly and sniffle softly as I let the tears run down my face. To this day the sickening feeling of guilt taunted me for leaving him, wondering if he feels abandoned now knowing the truth. If I could go back, I'd do things differently, I'd surely treat him differently knowing what I know now. Through my continuing research, I later found he lost his mother at a young age and lived in the underground district.

That place was now not open to the public, it was now in use for if another war would come then the citizens could take shelter. The only place I could ever go back to was the Scout's headquarter ruins. And I know that there was nothing I could do about Levi's past, I still felt that now- after leaving him was just hurting him all over again. If I had taken the risk of losing my memory, I would've been with him, I would've stayed, I wouldn't have to remember my father and all he had done.

I had planned to go to the ruins on the anniversary... but now, I don't know if I should.


	8. Whatever It Takes

~ 2 Weeks Later~

 

~(Y/N)~

 

It was January 14th, 2019, I had 3 months and 7 days until the anniversary of when I traveled back in time. I had been counting the days until I would go back and remember all that had happened within the month and a half that I was there. Although it wasn't long a lot still happened. A lot.

Currently, I was making my way to class, walking out of the building I go to make a right turn to start walking to class. I figured to stay in shape I'd walk to my school considering it really wasn't that far from where I lived. Before I completely turned right I ran into someone. As I jolted back I held my books to my chest tightly then looked up.

It was Andrew. For the past two weeks, I had been doing my best to avoid him in fear he'd ask me out again. "Hey." he greets with a sweet smile.

"H-hi." I stutter, I quickly step around him and say goodbye as I turn to start walking away I felt him grab my arm.

"Wait- where are you off to?" he asks.

I dart my eyes down to his hand then back at him. I yank my arm out of his grasp. "I have classes- someone of  _us_  go to college." I say.

He laughs shyly and scratches the back of his head. "I see- I'll walk you!" he offers. I purse my lips together and shake my head.

"That's not necessary- you'll.... You'll be late for work." I tell him.

He laughs again and shakes his head. "I'm the CEO I can be a few minutes late." he says. I roll my eyes and turn away from him, rushing beside me we both walked alongside one another. With my books pressed against my chest, I keep my eyes forward. The cold wind swept across my face causing me to lift my scarf up over my mouth and nose. "Why don't you take your car?" he asks.

I look at him then back forward. "Uh... because it's good for my legs- plus I don't wanna waste gas when I'm really not that far from the school." I tell him.  _Of course, he wouldn't understand since he was born into a rich family... he didn't have to worry about money._

As we continued on our way he kept his mouth fairly shut, only ushering a few words here and there. And when we came to the gates of my school we both stopped ready to say our goodbyes. "Can I take you to dinner tonight?" he asks.

I turn to look at him with a vague expression. "I have work right after class." I tell him.

He let out a sigh. "What time do you get off?" he asks.

My eyes narrow at him, I was getting annoyed with the constant questions. "11... why?" I ask.

"I'll pick you up." he says.

He turns away and begins to walk away and I turn to watch him.  _How does he even know where I work? Does he know or did he forget to ask?_  "You know where I work?" I call.

He spins around and walks backward. "Your mother told me!" he calls back. I let out a long sigh and turn again.  _Why am I not surprised._ Back when I first came home my mother had been trying to set me up with Andrew, she thought I could use a boyfriend. It led to her and I not talking for a few months.

I head into school and try to forget the fact that I wasn't getting out of seeing Andrew again. I had wished it was easier with him- like in high school. He and I were just best friends nothing romantic, Lizzi was there too and we didn't have to deal with all this stuff going on. I didn't even want to bring this up to Lizzi because she would just come back and say that I didn't want to talk about her boys so I had no right talking to her about mine.

All I knew from Facebook and Instagram was that she was back in school in London with her current boyfriend of about two weeks. His name was David I believe. I was counting the days David would last before she'd move on to the next. Sitting down in the back row of seats I set my books on the desk. The last time I talked to Lizzi she was heartbroken over some guy breaking up with her. That was about five months ago.

 

_~Memory~_

 

_"I can't believe he broke up with me (Y/N)- I- I thought he was a good guy!" Lizzi snaps._

_I gently pat her back trying to comfort her, it felt like I had been doing this a hundred times and nothing was changing. "You'll find someone better Liz, just keep your chin up." I tell her._

_She shakes her head and stands up from the couch. "Nope- I am done! Fuck guys! I'm not falling for another guy ever again!" she claims. I lean back on the couch and look at her with an 'oh-really' expression._

_"Good, you need a break- take time to be single and happy with yourself." I encourage hoping this time she'll take my words to heart._

_"Yes! I'm an independent woman! I don't need a man to make me happy!" she proudly claims._

_With that, she fell back on the couch and hugged me. "You're the such a great friend." she says hugging me tightly. Afterward, she got up and went on her phone. "Look who's calling now!" she says as she shows me her phone. It was her ex, Andy. The one who just broke up with her._

_"Don't answer it, he'll only try to win you back Liz." I warn._

_She scoffs and shakes her head. "Nah, I'm gonna give this asshole a piece of my mind." she says as she turns away and answers the call. "What the hell do you want now?" she asks. I could hear the guy on the other end, and I watch her expression change._

_"No- I don't- really?" she asks._

_She comes and sits beside me and continues to talk to him._

 

_~Time Skip~_

 

_It was an hour later and now they were sitting on the phone flirting with each other. I sat on the other end trying to ignore all the cutesy talk happening like the cliche 'You hang up first'. But soon enough Andy hung up and Lizzy was a smiling idiot. "So, seems like he got the message?" I ask hoping that she didn't just get back together with him._

_She looked at me shyly as if she had just done something bad. "We're working things out- Hey! I know what you said (Y/N), but I really love him-"_

_I get up off the couch, at this point, I had enough. Standing in front of her I cross my arms, "Then you really don't love all the other men you've been secretly seeing behind Andy's back? Lizzi, you're better than this! You wouldn't want Andy flirting and secretly seeing other women now would you?" I ask._

_"N-_

_"No! So why are you doing that to him? Andy is a good guy- just like all the other's you eventually left. To be honest I'm quite sick of all the guy talk because frankly I'm sure by tomorrow there will be a Tom- or a Bob- hell you may just be with both." I snap._

_Lizzi sends a hurt glare my way before standing up. "You wouldn't understand! You've never been in a relationship! And if you're so done then I won't talk to you! I'll just go talk to my other friends!" she yells back._

_"I wouldn't understand? Lizzi just because I haven't been in a relationship doesn't mean I don't know shit. I know you're supposed to be faithful to your partner. If I were you I wouldn't be talking to all those random guys just because they're giving you their attention when Andy isn't." I snap back._

_She turns her head to the side and crosses her arms. "Just leave." she pouts._

_I had nothing left to say- I had gotten out what I needed to say. With that, I grabbed my bag and headed for the door. At this point, I knew there was nothing I could say or do to help her. She was on her own, I wanted nothing to do with her and her boys._

 

~Memory Over~

 

I let out a sigh as the bell rang bringing me back to reality. But before the professor entered my phone buzzed in my pocket. Pulling it out I set it on the table and looked at the message. It was from my therapist- well now new friend. Desiree Hartmann. A couple of years older than me, she and I met back when she was helping me remember. Soon after I had told her my secret that I had traveled back in time. At first, she didn't believe me but when I had the proof she couldn't deny it. Now we were very close.

I read the text she had sent.  _'Hey, are you coming to dinner tonight? Harry is going out with his friends and I was thinking we could have a girl's night. I have big news anyway!'_ I read. "Shit." I mutter.

I text her back saying that I worked and didn't get off until 11. Shutting off my phone I waited for her response, the lights soon went off and the projector turned on revealing notes. Quickly opening my notebook I jot down all the info on the powerpoint. When my phone buzzed again I finish the final line and look at my phone.  _'That's fine, Harry won't be back until midnight. See you a little after 11.'_ I read. I answer back saying okay then shut my phone off and go back to work.

 

~Time Skip~

 

After work, I headed out after saying goodbye to my fellow co-workers in the locker room at the back of the shop. As I stepped out the back with my books and bags there I find a car waiting for me. An expensive car. Then Andrew stepped out of the car and waves.  _Oh... yeah._  I quickly step over to the passenger side and get in, shutting the door I buckle up and lean back.

As he gets in he shuts the door and looks at me. "I need a ride to a friend's I told her I'd meet her." I tell him.

He looked at me in confusion. "What about dinner?" he asks.

"Next time." I say softly. As he turns on the car he back out of the parking space and turns to the right. He drove through town until we reached the countryside where Desiree lived. With my help, I led him all the way to her house.

Traveling up the dirt road of her driveway he slowed down when he saw the house then turned and parked his car. I turn to get out of the car, only to find that the door was still locked, I bite my bottom lip and turn to him.  _I really not getting out of this date, am I?_  "I just don't understand you... you're so different now and I don't know what to do. It's like you've sworn off of men or something... did someone hurt you?" he asks.

I shook my head. "Then what? All I want to do is be with you (Y/N) I always have." he says.

"Andrew I can't deal with this right now." I say. I turn my head away from him hoping he'd understand and let me out.

"I'll do whatever it takes (Y/N)." he says.

With that, he unlocks the door and I get out within seconds so I didn't have to hear him. I hear his car start to drive off and I turn back watching as it drives down the dirt driveway. Soon he turned and left. On the outside, I stood tall as I looked down the road, but on the inside, I feared what Andrew had in store for me. 


	9. Looking For A Chance

~Lizzi~

 

Stepping out of the train station I stood there waiting for the cab. Thankfully I graduated early and wouldn't have to go back to London. Beside me was my boyfriend Andy carried his bags out and smiled down at me. "Ready?" he asks.

I smile tightly and nod my head. Hooking my right arm around his left we both walked together to the cab that just pulled up. He and I both put our bags in the trunk then got in. I was glad to be home.

 

~(Y/N)~

 

Instead of waking to the annoying alarm. Duchess decided to wake me early, begging for food. I knew if I didn't get up she'd lay on my back and claw at it. With a sigh I sit up, and listen to Duchess meow, slowly I get out of bed and shuffle into some slippers before walking to the door. 

Walking out the door I made my way through the hall and over to the kitchen past the living room. On the counter was the empty bowl, walking over I open the cabinet below the counter and pull out a small cup then fill it with food from the bag. Then I dump the food into the bowl, Duchess immediately jumps up and goes to her bowl, she eats and purrs at the same time happy to have food.

I put away the cup and shut the cabinet door. Then, last night's conversation with Desiree came to mind.

 

~Last Night~

 

After Andrew left I headed inside where I was greeted with arms. "Finally! Now, spill who drove you in that nice car?" she asks.

I look back at the door then back at Desiree. "Oh, that was Andrew." I say. Her right brow rises slightly as she backs away.

"Don't start, he's just a friend." I say with a slight smirk.

As we both walk into her living room I found she had it set up for a movie. "Why don't you give the guy a chance? From what you've told me he seems really nice! And it would totally help you move on." she says.

We both sat down on the couch. "Dez, he was my best friend in high school. And I just don't think I'm ready to get into any romantic relationships right now..." I tell her.

"Oh yeah? What does Andrew think?" she asks.

I roll my eyes I sit forward while looking at my hands. "He says he'll do whatever it takes... which only mean he's going to go to drastic measures just for a date." I explain.

"Because he's pining for you! Just give him a chance (Y/N) and see how it goes. You never know you may like him back." she says.

I let out a sigh and look at her with an unsure expression. "I know you still love Levi, but (Y/N)-" she stops and moves closer to me and places her hand on mine. "You know that you can't see him again- And I know that's not what you wanna hear but you need to." she says.

_There she goes again... the therapist in her never rests._  It was one of the reasons why she and I became such good friends, she was easy to talk to and she was with me through the hard times. "No, I know... it's just hard." I mutter at the end.

She gently squeezes my hand and I look up at her, her expression hinted that she pitied me. "Just give the guy a chance... see where it leads and if you still don't like him then set him straight." she says. I smile gently and nod. After that, we both got a movie in and watch it before her husband Harry came home.

 

~Present~

 

The doorbell rang bringing me out of my thoughts. Walking over to the door I look through the peephole finding a delivery man standing outside. Opening the door I find a huge bouquet of red roses in his hand. "I've got a delivery for (Y/N) Jaeger." he says.

"That's me." I mutter.

He jolts his hand forward nearly stuffing the flowers in my face. Squatting down slightly I take the flowers and thank the man, then stepping back into my apartment I shut and lock the door. In the bouquet was a little card, I already knew who sent it. On the note, it read 'A hundred time more beautiful than 100 roses. ~AG'. Both of my hands fall as I look up at the ceiling with closed eyes. "Ugh, this guy!" I groan. Lifting my right hand up I look at the roses wondering where I'd put them.

_I don't have time for this, I have classes._  Setting the flowers on the coffee table I return to my room to get ready. Within fifteen minutes I was ready and out the door off to class.

 

~Time Skip~

~Andrew~

 

Strolling up to (Y/N)'s door I smile then knock. Fixing my shirt I pull the sleeves down slightly then comb back my hair with my hand. As I stood there waiting I heard heels clicking against the tile floors.

My eyes glanced over finding someone I didn't expect. "Lizzi... what a pleasant surprise." I say as I turn to her.

"Andrew- what are you doing here?" she asks in a shocked tone. Running up she hooked her arms around me hugging me tightly. Gently I place my hand on her back and pat her gently.

"Just waiting for (Y/N)." I tell her.

Lizzi's smile drops slightly as she looks at the door. "Oh... same! I actually came by to talk to her." she says.

Pursing my lips together I look at the door.  _She must not be in right now._  "Well looks like she isn't home... I'll come back later." I say.

As I walked past her I glance back finding her standing there watching me. "See you around!" she calls.

I quickly wave then head back upstairs, on the way up I texted (Y/N) wondering where she was. By the time I reached my apartment, she texted back.  _'I work every day after class.'_  "Oh." I mutter. Then I shut the phone off and enter through my front door. With a sigh, I think back to downstairs, I wondered what Lizzi wanted to talk to (Y/N) about. All I knew was that Lizzi was back... this can't be good.  


	10. The One I Really Want To Be With

~(Y/N)~

 

After coming home, I ran into someone I hoped I wouldn't see for a long time. As I was walking down the hall I noticed someone sitting beside my door, at first I thought it was someone homeless, but then as I got closer it became clear. It was Lizzi.

I step around her as she watched me like a hawk. Unlocking my door I step in, hearing shuffling she comes up and stops the door from shutting. "So, you're still mad?" She asks.

As I walk into the kitchen I ignore her words and feed the cat again. "Hello! It's me your best friend- or did you replace me?" she asks.

I roll my eyes and pour the food into the bowl. "I'm not dealing with you Elizabeth. I've made it pretty clear where I stand with you." I tell her.

"Oh, so no more Lizzi huh? I thought you'd be over it by now!" she says. I glance over finding her with a pouty expression and her arms crossed.

"I am over it, and I'm over you so get out if you're just gonna stand here and act like a child." I tell her.

She looked at me in shock and uncrosses her arms. "Why don't you get the stick outta your ass! You were my best friend (Y/N)! Do you understand how hurt I was when you said those things! I talked to you about that stuff because I wanted your advice!" she yells.

I slam the cup down and look at her with a hateful glare. "And you never once took it! You always came up with the same excuse, I don't care if I hurt your feelings because you know what? You needed to fuckin' hear it and if you don't like my honesty then you can go!" I snap.

She turns away and sniffles softly. "You know... at first, I thought you were just acting cold because you were traumatized or something... but now I know you're just naturally a bitch." she says.

I cross my arms and look to her again. "Goodbye Elizabeth." I say. When she realized that there was nothing to be gained she huffed softly then walked out of my apartment. Running up to the door I quickly shut it then lock it. With a sigh, I lean against the door and pull my phone out.

Turning on my phone I quickly unlock it and head into my messages. Andrew didn't text me after I told him I work every day after work... but the thing was that was just a lie so he wouldn't bother me. But now that I think about it and back to what Desiree said, I begin typing a new message to him.  _'Hey, I talked to my boss and got Friday off... let's go on that date and see how it goes.'_

With that, I shut off and begin walking back over to the kitchen. On the way over I toss my phone on the couch. I grab a bowl out and get some cereal to have for dinner since I wasn't too hungry. As I was pouring the milk onto my cereal I hear my phone go off.

Walking over to the couch with my food I sit down and turn on the TV then grab my phone. Turning it on I open up to the message.  _'Great! I'll pick you up at 7.'_ it read. I type back okay then shut my phone off. Flipping through the channels I tried to get my mind off the date... it felt like I was making a mistake... but all I could do was remind myself of Desiree's words.  _Give the guy a chance._

 

~A Few Days Later~

 

It was finally Friday. After leaving class I headed back home where I'd spend the rest of the day mentally preparing myself for the date I had this evening with Andrew. Walking into my apartment I shut then lock the door.

I greet Duchess who was on the counter sitting there. I run my hand along her back causing her to raise her butt up slightly when I came to the base of her tail. She began to purr then meows softly.

Leaning against the counter I let out a sigh. I had no reason to be nervous but I was.  _What am I going to wear? Should I do makeup? My hair?_  I take my hair into my hands and look at the ends. With a sigh, I head to my bedroom to look at some outfits. I could have planned this a day in advance but then that would've only given me the chance to change my mind on what to wear.

Coming to my closet I slide the left door open revealing my mostly black clothing. Sifting through it all I find a black dress tucked in the back. Pulling it out I found it was an off the shoulder one. I tilt my head to the side then back up and face my mirror that was attached to my wall. I place the dress up to my chest.  _I guess this will do._

The hours seemed to fly by as I waited. Already it was 6:45, I had loose curls in my hair, barely any makeup and the dress on. I was currently waiting at the door, even more, it seemed as I waited impatiently by the door the slower time went. I felt like if this date didn't hurry I would pace around my apartment hyperventilating.

 _Maybe I should cancel, this doesn't feel right... I shouldn't be doing this- give the guy a chance._  I roll my eyes at the reminder. Soon enough the clock struck 7 and there was a knock at the door.  _At least he's punctual._  Opening the door I find Andrew dressed in a suit and tie.  _Thank god he didn't decide to go casual._

His eyes roamed my body making me feel uncomfortable. "You look- wow- you look... amazing!" he says.

My face began to heat up at his compliment and I turn my head slightly looking away from his eyes. "T-thanks." I mutter.

"Shall we?" he asks as he holds out his arm for me to grab.

I purse my lips together and force a smile. Hooking my arm with his I step out and shut my door before walking down the hallway with him.

 

~Time Skip~

 

Andrew had taken me to a very fancy restaurant, one where I couldn't even order a soft drink if I wanted. All they served was expensive wine or water. I went for the water. As I looked around the room at the other rich folks, I felt less like myself, I felt as if I was a deer surrounded by lions. "How's the food?" Andrew asks.

I turn my head back and smile at him, looking down at my still full plate of caviar and Mett that was raw but served on a bun. I didn't even want to touch the Mett it looked so disgusting. "Good." I say as I then take a sip of my drink.

I watched his eyes dart down to my full plate then back up at me with a serious expression. "It's too much isn't it?" he asks.

Not wanting to seem rude I shook my head and laugh shyly. "No no! It's good." I say before taking a fork full of the Mett, I forcefully shove the raw meat into my mouth but down swallow. Andrew smiles then turns away to call the waiter, while he did that I took the napkin beside me and spit out the meat.

"Yes, can you switch her dish to the roast chicken please?" he asks.

"Yes right away sir." the waiter says.

Coming over to me he grabs my plate with the napkin on it and runs off to the kitchen. I sat there feeling a little bad to make him switch my food. "Sorry." I mutter.

"It's okay." Andrew says with a smile.

While I waited for my dish we started talking. "So, how was school?" he asks.

"Good." I answer.

"When's your next break?" he asks.

I look up at him with a serious expression then shrug my shoulders. "Middle of February I'm taking two weeks off starting on the 10th then I'll go back on the 25th." I tell him.

He nods and picks at his food.  _Yeah, this... is the worst date._

After our so-called date, Andrew drove us home, and in the car was complete silence no music, no talking just silence. The date didn't go good, the conversation was just flat out odd, Andrew ended up paying about a hundred bucks for the meal and all in all it just wasn't something I wanted to do again with him.

As we pulled up along the curb outside the apartment building we sat there for a little bit. "That was bad." he mutters.

"Yeah." I respond.

"Maybe next time we'll do something a little more casual." he suggests.

At this point, I knew I needed to be forward with him. "What makes you think there'll be a next time? This date didn't do too hot, it's safe to say our shot as a couple isn't happening." I tell him.

I turn to exit the car finding it was still locked.  _Of course, we're pulling this crap again._  "Just give me another chance (Y/N), we can do something you like!"

"Why? Why can't you just be my friend? Do you realize what happens if this relationship you're trying to build falls apart? We couldn't go back to what we were, it would be too awkward for us! If anything I think we should just stay friends and not push our boundaries so we don't get hurt." I tell him.

I felt his hand grab my shoulder pulling me back, then with his free hand, he cups the right side of my face forcing me to look at him. "Because (Y/N) I'm in love with you- always have been." he confesses.

I turn away from him again and jiggle the handle that opens the door. "Let me out now." I say.

"No, not until we talk! (Y/N) you've been nothing but cold to me ever since I came here, all I want to do is make you happy! What happened to the girl I knew in high school? The one who always was happy to see me? Who was glad that I was around?!" he questions.

I whip back and glare at him. "I'm not the same girl you loved in high school, Andrew!" I snap.

He looks at me in shock that I had yelled at him. We sat there for a couple of minutes, with my arms crossed I kept my eyes locked to the window. "Can you at least think about it?" he asks softly.

I let out a sigh and with my right hand, I pinch the bridge of my nose. "I'll think about it... can I please go now?" I ask.

Without warning, I felt a pair of lips press into my left cheek softly, then immediately after his lips left my face I hear the locks click and I rush out. Placing my hand over my face I wipe off the tingling feeling where his mouth touched my cheek. Quickly I walk inside before Andrew could catch up with me. I didn't want to look at him anymore tonight, all I wanted to do was sleep and remember Levi. The one man I really wanted to be with. 


	11. Afraid

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you start this chapter I just want you guys to know that I have opened a Q&A. You can ask me any questions you have and I will post them on my Wattpad, they can be about me, the books or the characters. Anyway just thought you all should know I can't wait to see the questions! Enjoy this chapter and I'll see you all next Friday.

~(Y/N)~

 

The second I entered through the front door I burst into tears, which was something I hadn't done since I had first gotten back... I didn't cry when I regained the painful memories because I had cried enough to the point where I thought I was all dried out. But here I was, tears pouring from my eyes like waterfalls.

Leaning against the door I sniffle and slowly slide down until I reach the floor. I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my arms around them then hid my face. The date had gone all wrong, I missed Levi, I was constantly alone even if I hung out with friends. I felt like I didn't belong here anymore.  _God, why did I fucking leave?_   _For Lizzi? Mom?_  It all seemed pointless now that I think about it. Lizzi didn't need me, and my mom was doing just fine without me.

Suddenly I felt tiny paws press at my arms that were wrapped around the top of my knees. There was a soft meow then a head bump from Duchess. Lifting my head up I find her standing on her hind legs and looking at me directly. Then leaning in she began to lick the tears off my face causing me to smile softly. Stroking her back she began to pur softly and nudge at my jaw a little bit then jumped into my lap.

Duchess was the only one I didn't have problems with. She continues to bump her head into mine and pur at the same time.  _Oh, what would I do without you?_  Getting up I take Duchess with me to the bedroom where I calmed down and changed out of my clothes and into something more comfortable. I cleaned off my face and headed back into the bedroom where I fell onto the bed, not a moment later did Duchess jump onto my back and lay there.

But even still... tears seem to still seep from my eyes... no matter how hard I tried to stop.

 

~Levi~

 

I laid on my bed, finding it hard to focus on any work at the moment. Not that I had much. With a sigh, I lay there looking up at the ceiling. Everything has just been so fucking stressful, soon we would be heading outside wall Maria, now that it was clear and being resettled.

But I didn't want to think about that now. It was her that crowded my mind these days as it grew closer to the anniversary. I made it my personal mission to remember (Y/N) fearing that without her here I'd slowly start to forget... so I kept a journal and did my best to write down memories of our time shared together which mainly was me writing about how shitty I was to her.

I wondered what life was like in her time if titans were still out there- if titans were completely erased from the world. What would it be like... to live in a world where I didn't have to kill giant monsters? To not deal with secrets, and people after you? Was the world really a better place in the future? Or is it worse?

 

~Next Day~

 

~(Y/N)~

 

I woke up with a soft sniffle. My eyes were sore and my head ached as I slowly sat up. Uncovering my lefts I slowly slip out of the bed and head for the bathroom where I prepared for the day knowing I had classes and work today.

As I exited my apartment I bumped into Andrew who I assumed was coming to meet me. "I'm not in the mood to talk this morning Andrew so just leave me alone." I tell him.

He lets out a sigh and steps in front of me. "Go away with me." he suggests. In shock, I shot my head up and look at him as if he were crazy.

"I-I can't why- I have school a-and work!" I stutter.

He smirked and turned his head to the side. "I know that I mean when you have your next break. Come away with me." he says.

I look back down to the ground and shrug my shoulders. "I don't know... I was thinking about staying with my mom for a little bit... her wedding is that week and-

"We'll go after the wedding." he suggests.

I let out a huff, quickly becoming annoyed by his behavior lately. I start walking past him when he catches my arm. "At least think about it." he says. I look up and turn to him with an annoyed glare.

"You know, you got me thinking about a lot of things lately. You should know that my life won't revolve around you, you may be my friend but I will never put you above my priorities. So I hope you're content with the fact that I may not answer right away, because I dislike being rushed." I tell him.

I watched his smile drop and turn serious as I yank my arm out of his grasp. I start to walk again when he catches me once more. "And I hope you understand that I'm not giving up on you. I don't know who hurt you or what was done to you while you were gone, but I'm not giving up- I still believe that the girl I fell in love with in high school is still in there, they're just too afraid to fall in love again." he says.

Again I yank my hand out of his grasp. There was a long silence between us as we stared at each other.  _Please, I'm not afraid to love, I just don't love you like I did back in high school._  "Goodbye, Andrew." I say. With that, I walked away and headed to school for the day with everything on my mind and I wish I didn't.

The thing he didn't seem to understand was that people change, and after what I have been through I knew I wasn't the same person I was back in high school.

 

~Morning After Returning From 850~

 

I opened my eyes, the beeping of the EKG to my left made it more real for me that I was no longer in that time. I was back, in 2018 and my memories were a little scattered at the moment. It was the next day, slowly I push myself up off the pillows and sit up in the bed.

I swing my feet off the side of the bed and slipped off. The cold tile made me shiver but soon I grew used to the cool feeling as I shuffled to the chair beside the bed. Turning my back to the chair, I slowly sit own. I lean my back into the cushion, I shut my eyes as I lean my head back so I was looking up at the ceiling.  _I wonder how he's doing now? If Hanji has explained everything... knowing him he's probably really pissed off. Not that I blame him-_

The door flew open and I jolted up, looking at the door I saw two women standing there. They were the ones who claimed to be my friend and mother last night after I was found. "May we come sit with you?" the older lady asks.

I slowly nodded my head, while on the inside I was shaking my head intensely. They both slowly approached the sofa beside me and took a seat in a matter of second all while watching me closely. They seemed afraid, but not of me, more of me running away without warning. "I'm glad you're doing better. Looks like the rest really helped- how do you feel?" the younger girl asks.  _Why does she seem so familiar... I could've- no- but I should ask in case._

"Are you the girl I saw in the bathroom? You sure as hell gave me a-

"I'm sorry? I don't quite understand (Y/N)... what bathroom?" she asks.

 _Shit.... Right, she couldn't have been there..._  I shook my head and folded my hands in front of me. "(Y/N)... how much can you remember?" the older lady asks.  _Not much to be honest... only the parts from when I was back... there._

I shrug my shoulders and look to the floor. "Do you not remember anything? The trips to the park? The beach? What about Berliners? You loved those as a child! And-

"No! I don't remember any of that! I'm sorry!" I shook my head as I yelled. The older lady got up and came up to me. I lean back in my chair wondering what she'd do next, fearing she'd hurt me because I didn't remember her or any of the things she had listed.

She forcefully took my wrist into her hand and yank up the sleeve of my hospital gown revealing scars. Long lines along my arms that led up all the way to my shoulder. "What about these? Huh? I can't imagine you could forget those!" she snaps.

"Mrs. Jaeger! Please don't yell at her!" the younger blonde girl scolded. I yanked my hand out of the older woman's grasp. After she had released me the door to my room opened again and a doctor came rushing in with a worried look on her face.

"I could hear yelling from down the hall, what is going on?" the lady asks.

The older woman let out a sigh and began to explain that she was asking me questions and that it got out of hand. Thankfully they left afterward to let me think to myself and process everything. When the doctor came back, she had my chart, "Hello Ms. Jaeger... so far everything checks out. The only issue is your temporary memory loss. I would suggest cognitive therapy, that is the best bet to hopefully regain lost memories." the doctor suggests.

"What will they have me do?" I ask.

"Different exercises like; journaling, helping you with time management or exposing you to different things that will help you better store information. Sometimes in other patients, it may help them reconnect with lost memories. If you'd prefer a different route I have more suggestions." she says.

I wanted to hear my option before picking a therapist. She listed out a few alternatives, and the last bit of information was just making sure I came in for some follow-ups and journal everything. "Maybe I'll see a therapist... just to be safe. Only because I don't know how long it'll be before I remember everything." I tell her.

"Alright, before you're discharged tomorrow I can give you a list of names and numbers of the best... and affordable." she says.

"Thank you." I mutter.

I lean back in the chair and turn my head to look outside. Dreading for tomorrow to come, knowing I'd have to go home with that crazy woman who calls herself my mother.  _If I do the therapy then I'll remember them... hopefully everything._


	12. It Was Me

~Time Skip~

 

~(Y/N)~

 

It was a couple of days before I planned to go with Andrew on the trip. I decided only a few days ago that I should go to get away for a while, not to be alone with Andrew. Getting out of the car I walk around over to the passenger side and pull out the cat carrier holding Duchess, she would be staying with my mother while I was gone.

I watched as people came running in and out of the house. As expected since her wedding was tomorrow in our backyard. Milo had proposed a month after my return. Walking up to the front door I slip through after one of the decorators allowed me through. Then I quickly take Duchess to my bedroom to let her lose although she'd be stuck in my room until after the wedding.

Stepping in I shut my door and then open the cage door, there Duchess bolts out and explores the room. Standing up I turn away and head back out of the room, I step into the hallway and shut the door behind me so Duchess wouldn't get out. "Mom?!" I call.

"In here!" I hear her from the kitchen.

Walking up the hall I turn to the right and enter the kitchen but stop just under the archway.

 

~Flashback~

 

I left the hospital with my mother, we had arrived to the house she pulled up into the driveway. The house was small but big enough for her... and me. Placing my belongings back into my bag, I slowly got out of the car I stood there taking in everything. Then my  _mother_  came up from behind me and passed by me heading for the front door.

"M-mama!" I call in an unsure tone.

She stopped and turned to me shocked I had called her so. "Yes sweetie?" she asks.

I fixed the strap of my bag and looked at her shyly. "I want... to go to London." I tell her.  _Why was I telling her this? I could go if I wanted to, I didn't need her watching me._

"No." she says, with that, she turned away and made her way inside. I quickly took off and ran after her, entering the house I immediately stop in my tracks as soon as I passed through the threshold.

 

~End of Flashback~

 

I shook my head slightly.  _Why am I thinking about the first day I came home after coming back?_  I look up to meet my mother's gaze, she had paused her cooking to look over at me and smile. "You look lovely, Andrew will be here in an hour to join us for dinner." my mother says.

I cross my arms and slowly walk towards her. "I don't think that's a good idea..." I tell her softly.

She then looks at me in confusion. "Why?" she asks.

I look at my feet then back up at her. "I'd rather just wait to see him when we leave for Scotland... he and I are just... sorta having issues." I tell her. She stops stirring the food altogether and places both hands on her hips.

"And you're going on a trip with him when things aren't good? Nope- he's coming over and you'll resolve it then." she says.

My shoulders slump and look at her in disbelief. "But Ma-"

"No, he's the first boy who likes you, and I hate the fact that you're constantly alone, you don't speak to Lizzi, and you hardly are around that new therapist friend of yours. So don't 'but' me, he's coming over." she argues.

I let out a sigh then take her place in front of the stove. "You know ma, all you're doing is forcing a relationship I don't want... I just want him to be my friend."

She remained silent and I turn to find she wasn't actually in the room anymore. With another sigh, I look back at the food and continue doing what my mom was previously doing.  _Why doesn't anyone understand that I don't want to be with Andrew?_

 

~Time Skip~

 

Evening fell and dinner was being served. Andrew and Milo sat on one side of the table beside one another, after filling my plate I sit beside my mother and begin to quickly eat so I could go to my room and sleep. "This is good." Andrew compliments.

I didn't say thank you, instead I continued to shovel the food into my mouth until my mother elbowed me in the side causing me to cough, pivoting my head towards her I glare at her in annoyance before she cocks her head forward beckoning me to say thank you. I glance over to Andrew, "Thanks." I mutter.

The table fell silent as we all went back to eating. Glancing up I find Andrew staring directly at me.  _I'm gonna have to deal with this the whole fucking trip._

After finishing my dinner I get up from the table, walking over I quickly cleaned off my plate and spun around. "Well, I'm turning in for the night, see you guys tomorrow." I say. My mother watched every move I made as if she was mentally telling me to get my ass back there, but I ignored her and headed off to my bedroom where Duchess would be waiting for her next meal.

Opening my door slightly I slip in then shut it again and flip the lock so no one would enter. On my bed Duchess was asleep, so I stroll over to the bag and grab out her bowl and food. Measuring it out into a small cup I pour it into the bowl and set it on the dresser, Duchess immediately jumped off the bed and onto the dresser where she scarfed down her food.  _God, I'm really gonna regret this... but I gotta find some way to move on... that's the only reason why I agreed to go._

 

~Next Day~

 

Aside from getting everyone ready, everything seemed to be running smoothly. Walking up the carpet I go to the front row of seats and sit in between Andrew and Desiree. From the corner of my eye, I could see Lizzi over on the other sections of benches on the right side of the carpet.

Some instrumental music began to play and each bridesmaid stepped out and slowly stroll up the carpet until they reach the left side of the altar. With a sigh, I lean back in my chair keeping my eyes forward at Milo who was impatiently waiting for his bride.

Beside me Desiree was looking over at her husband Harry, probably reminiscing about their own wedding. Looking forward I then hear the Wedding March start to play, as it started we stood up from our seats and turn to face the bride who stood at the opposite end of the aisle. My mother stood there in all white and held a bouquet of red roses, slowly now she began to walk down the aisle as the music played.

When she finally stood before Milo, they looked at each other and smiled softly. Milo then took her hand and the ceremony carried on.

 

~Time Skip~

 

At the reception, I sat alone at one of the tables while mostly everyone danced on the dance floor. There were a few people who weren't dancing as well, like Andrew, he was sitting with some of his single buddies probably talking about guy stuff. I saw Lizzi dancing with her current boyfriend Andy, and Desiree dancing with her husband.

Letting out a soft sigh, I sip at the champagne waiting for the part to be over so I can leave with Andrew. After setting the glass down and looking back up, I watched as everyone went from partying to partnering up and slowly dancing. With a soft sigh, I cross my arms and lean back only to feel someone tapping my shoulder. Looking up I find Andrew standing there in his full suit extending his hand out. I look up from his hand then shake my head. "I can't dance." I tell him.

That didn't stop him from yanking me out of my chair and into his arms. "Perfect time for a lesson then right?" he asks.

I purse my lips together then slowly nod my head knowing he wasn't gonna let me off so easily. He led me out to the dance floor joining all the other couples. As his arm wrapped around my waist he lifted me up slightly until I stood on his feet. Looking down at my own feet I wondered if it hurt him at all before I could ask he places middle and pointer finger under my chin forcing my head up. "Eyes on me." he mumbles.

After releasing my chin he takes my free hand and starts to move us in a slow motion. I did as told and kept my eyes on him as he slowly stepped from side to side. I felt uncomfortable being this close but I didn't stop him this time. But I was in my head again, thinking about when Levi and I last danced.

~Memory~

_So many eyes were looking up at me. Hanji was in the back laughing softly. "Look at those old men." she laughs. Searching the crowd for Levi I soon found him by Erwin and the judge. He already had his sights on me. He looked at me in awe as if I were some angle or something._ __  
__  
_Quickly he pushed past people and stood at the bottom of the steps. As I reached the second to last step he took my hand in his. This time his touch was gentle and not harsh like I had known. Letting go of my hand he then set his hand on the small of my back._ __  
__  
_People began moving again, spinning around following the beat of the music that had been placing. Levi and I met up with Erwin and the judge. "Quite an entrance there (Y/N)." Erwin says._ __  
__  
_Pursing my lips together I stood there awkwardly. "Believe me I wasn't aiming for that." I say._ __  
__  
_Levi pulled me toward him gentle, his warm breath hit my ear. "We're going to dance now, got it?" he asks._ __  
__  
_Pulling my head back slightly I nod. "Excuse us gentlemen but (Y/N) and I are going to dance a little." Levi says. Taking hold of my hand he quickly led me out to the dance floor. On que, a slow song began to play._ __  
__  
_Levi's hands held my waist while both my arms wrapped around his shoulders. We slowly danced and avoided eye contact. "You know Erwin is right." Levi mutters._ __  
__  
_Turning my head looking at him confused. "Your entrance... it was something." he says._ __  
__  
_"Was that almost a compliment?" I tease, smirking I watch him roll his eyes._ __  
__  
_"Tch, if I wanted to compliment you I would have." he groans._ __  
__  
_Spinning me out slowly he then pulled me back in a little too fast. Pressed into his chest I look up at him. "Then, why don't you?" I ask quietly. His expression turned serious, his eyes trailed from my own down to my lips, seeming to almost be tempted to kiss me._ __  
_  
_ _"Why would I need to state the obvious?" he asks then pushing me out slightly so we were no longer pressed together. So, much for that. As the song soon came to an end, Levi quickly left the dance floor, leaving me on my own._

 

~Memory Over~

 

I was back in reality when the song stop and I dart my eyes looking up at Andrew who was smiling down at me. Quickly now I push myself away from him and hold myself.  _Even now I still think about him... what must I do to move on?_  "(Y/N)-" Before Andrew could grab me I turn away from him and get off the dance floor leaving him there, probably wondering if he had done anything wrong. But it was me. 


	13. The Getaway

~(Y/N)~

 

It was dark out as I sat in the passenger seat while Andrew drove towards the airport. Andrew passed most of them until we came to a much smaller plane that had his last name plastered on it.  _Private Jet... nice._

Once he parked the car, we both step out, heading towards the back of the car I grab my bags only to be stopped by a man. "I got it miss." he says. Nodding I back away and turn to the jet, slowly I start to make my way up the steps behind Andrew.

Once I stepped on, I head straight for the back seat away from Andrew. With my bag over my shoulder, I pull it off and set it beside me. In there I had a book I intended to read the whole trip there. Sitting down I lean to the side and sift through my bag grabbing out the book. Up ahead I found Andrew staring back at me with saddened eyes.

I ignore his face and look down at my book and begin to read after buckling myself in. After taking off a woman with a cartwheeled her way over to me. "Would you like anything?" she asks. I look over and shake my head with a soft smile before going back to my book.

In little to no time, I had become sleepy, my eyes slowly shutting while the book fell into my lap. My head fell limp as I fell asleep in my seat just moments after take off.

 

~Dream/Memory~

 

_It was the first day of 7th grade and I was at my locker getting my stuff together. Shoving my backpack into the tight locker I shut it and hold my notebooks close to my chest as I turn to the right._

_I nearly face plant into someone's chest but thankfully stop in time. Looking up I meet the stranger's green eyes. "S-sorry." I say. Stepping around him I begin walking away only to be stopped by him grabbing my shoulder._

_Looking back I glare at him wondering why he had touched me. "I was hoping you'd actually show me to this classroom." he says as he tilted his notebook down for me to see his schedule. Looking at the slip of paper I found he had the same class as me, Algebra 1._

_I nod my head in the direction. "Follow me." I mutter. We start to walk together quickly knowing the bell would ring any minute, on our way there we made light conversation. It was basically me giving him advice about the teacher._

_"I'm Andrew by the way. Andrew Graham." he introduces._

_I nod and force a smile. "(Y/N)... (Y/N) Jaeger." I say. That was our first meeting, and we soon became best friends after that. I trusted him with my life, we did everything together and I'd tell him everything except the things about my father._

 

_~After School~_

 

_I arrived home on time, locking the front door behind me I look to find my father passed out on the rocking chair adjacent to me. The room smelled of alcohol and there were bottles on the floor. Carefully now I sneak towards the stairs trying not to wake him._

_My father was much worse when he had a hangover, so I tread lightly until I reach the steps. Rushing quietly up the creaking stairs I reach the top and bolt to my bedroom. Quietly I shut it behind me and flip the lock preventing my father from barging in._

_Sitting on the edge of my bed I quickly pull out my homework and get to work. That was all I could really do since I didn't have a cell phone, and Andrew said he was busy today. It was like any other day here at the house, I get home, and if I wasn't stopped and beaten by my father I sat alone in my room doing homework and studying. Just like any other day._

 

~Dream/Memory~

 

~Time Skip~

 

I woke up to being lightly shaken. Opening my eyes I lean forward and shake my head a little, my book was laying across my chest open.  _I guess I must've fallen asleep._  Getting up from the seat I bend over and grab my bag, shoving my book in it I then follow Andrew off the plane.

As I stepped out I looked around and there was a medium sized house surrounded by the ocean. Some parts of the home was cobblestone while others had the typical siding. To the left was a large deck overlooking the sea. Walking down the steps of the jet I followed Andrew up to the steps.

I quickly rush over to the front door with Andrew as he unlocks the doors. After entering to my right there was a long hallway that soon turned again and wrapped around into a balcony overlooking the living room.

Going down the second flight of stairs into the living room there was an old fireplace smack dab in the center of the room. Floor to ceiling windows allowed me to look out at the ocean from any angle.

I was in awe at how beautiful the home was let alone Scotland. I wanted to explore the towns, buy a bunch of things. Turning to meet Andrew's soft eyes, and a smile, he cocks his head back up the steps. "I'll show you to your room." he says. 

Nodding, I walk with him as he leads me up the stairs to my room. We turn to the left and walk around, looking down off the balcony I see how high everything is, if I had fallen I'd land just a couple feet from the bottom of the steps. Once we got to the end of the hall, Andrew steps aside, walking up to the door I grab hold of the knob and twist before pushing the door in.

Walking in I walk up to the bed, moments later the maid brought in the bags. Setting them beside the bed I thank them then turn to Andrew. "It's lovely, but I'm gonna rest for a bit before we do anything." I tell him.

Andrew simply nods and turns to leave the room. He shut the door behind him, falling back I sit on the edge of the bed.  _I need to change._  Kneeling to the floor I open the big black luggage bag. Flipping the top open I find a few packs of condoms. Slamming the lid shut I look up in shock.  _God Dammit mom!!!_  Angrily I grab my phone and speed dial my mom's number. Placing the phone to my ear I sat there.

"Hey, sweetie-"

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" I snap.

"Excuse me? What did I do?" she asks.

I groan softly, "The condoms mother!" I whisper.

She chuckles softly. "Ah, yes. What about them? Are they not the right size?" she asks.

I nearly hung up on her. "N-no- Mom! I am not having sex! You shouldn't have put them in my bag! I told you-

"Yes yes I know, but I put them in there just in case... you know... you do." she says. Rolling my eyes I end the call and toss the phone on the bed. Going back to my bag I slowly lift the lid up and find the packets still right on top.

Quickly I shove them beneath the clothes.  _I can't believe her... she's just on a whole 'nother playing field._  Grabbing some more comfortable clothes I head to the bathroom and change quickly. I was baffled that my mother would pull this crap, she was so hellbent on making sure I ended up with Andrew and it was becoming annoying.

After getting dressed I head back into the bedroom and jump onto the bed. I don't even bother covering up I was out the moment I touched the bed. Even though I had slept on the plane I still felt exhausted, and I knew that this trip was only the beginning. 


	14. Nothing More

~(Y/N)~

 

We were at it again... the fighting. Before I left there wasn't a time he and I ever fought but now... it seems that's all we ever did these days. Thanks to my mother and her sneaking condoms into my bag, Andrew found one on the floor... he got the wrong idea. He thought I had planned to seduce him and all that stuff, he got mad at me because I was confusing him.

Currently, outside I stood a few feet from the water as it came in then went back out. Holding myself I let out a sigh, I was tempted to just stay in my room this entire trip if it meant I'd avoid the unnecessary drama Andrew was creating. He had always been a rather dramatic guy... but when he wanted something he usually never gave up until he got it.

 

~Memory~

 

_There we sat, the three of us, Lizzi, Andrew and I. We were all conversing over stupid things, at the moment it was Andrew's girlfriend, he was trying to think of a gift to give her. "(Y/N) what do you think? Necklace or flowers?" he asks._

_I shrug my shoulders, personally, I wasn't into those kind of things. "Both duh." Lizzi answers. Andrew purses his lips together and nods. Glancing up at him I watched his eyes dart down towards my neck, I quickly fix the scarf hiding away the bruises. Father had been getting violent the past couple of days due to overworking then drinking right after he came home... I had also talked back to him which led to him... well... grabbing me by the throat and slamming me into a wall before screaming in my face._

_I clear my throat before taking a sip of my drink. "It's okay (Y/N) one day a guy will sweep you off your feet." Lizzi reassures. I purse my lips together and nod. I wasn't much for talking, especially today knowing if I spoke my voice would surely be raspy and a pain._

_Lizzi then gave me a suspicious look as she leans in. "Why so silent?" she asks, moments later she gasps and places both hands over her mouth. "You're not dating someone are you?!" she asks. Quickly I shook my head then patted on my neck signaling that it was sore._

_Her shoulders slump. "Oh... phew you had me scared there." she says. Looking down at my food I begin to eat slowly mainly going for the softer foods._

 

_~Time Skip~_

 

_After school, Andrew and I walked the now empty halls, all the other students had booked it for the parking lot... there were still a couple students left but not many. "Is he still hurting you?" Andrew asks._

_Looking up in slight shock I shook my head vigorously. Andrew was the only one that knew of what my father was doing to me. Pulling my aside he pulled us into the girl's bathroom and I felt slightly afraid we'd get caught but more afraid when Andrew pulled the scarf off my neck revealing the purple bruises along my neck._

_My hands quickly go to cover my neck when Andrew grabs them. "This is wrong (Y/N)... you should call the police! Put his worthless ass in prison, one of these days he may end up killing you!" he says loudly. After he said that I place my hand over his mouth._

_"N-not so loud." I say, my voice was scratchy. I quickly clear my throat and look over at the mirror... I was disgusted with myself and wanted to cover the bruises._

_"You gotta do something (Y/N)... I hate seeing you hurt." he says._

_I look up to meet his green eyes. "I-" I stop and clear my throat again. "W-we have...one month left until we graduate... I'll be-_

_"Don't say you'll be okay- cause he could kill you within that time (N/N)." he interrupts._

_I look down wishing he'd understand... but I knew he was worried about me. "Stay with me- my parents are hardly home anyway- and besides they wouldn't care." he says._

_My head darts back up looking at him as if he was stupid. "My dad... will call the cops for sure... then they'd take me back to him Andrew." I tell him._

_He lets out a sigh and turns his head towards the mirror, his expression was stern and focused as if he was trying to come up with a plan on how to rescue me. Taking the scarf out of his hands I wrap it around my neck before taking his hands in mine. "I... promise Andrew... I'll make it to graduation... then I'll leave him." I tell him. He lets out another sigh and his expression softens but in his eyes I could see the sadness and guilt from him not being able to help me. Bringing me into his arms he hugged me tightly._

_"You better, otherwise I'm gonna kill him." he says._

 

~Memory Over~

 

Even then things weren't all that easy... having to grow up with an abusive father... but I did keep my promise to him and made it past graduation. He was my best friend back in high school... had been since primary school. Lizzi I had met in middle school, and I started to gravitate towards her more.

Unfortunately, Andrew graduated early to take on his father's business and I didn't see him after that... not until almost 10 months ago... and now he and I were strangers. We constantly fought because he was pursuing me which was something I didn't want. I needed more time, the anniversary from when I traveled back would be in 14 days.

As the wind blew at my face I turn my head to the side so it wasn't so bad. That's when I heard footsteps behind me, looking back I find Andrew standing there. "Look... I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions...but you've been really hard to read (Y/N)... I wish I could take back the things I've done... I wish I would've been there for you those last few weeks. But it's not just me that's the problem too you know... you gotta talk to me otherwise all I can do is assume." he says.

I look forward and bite my bottom lip. He had a point... our communication between one another wasn't doing too hot, but there were things that he still didn't understand no matter how hard I tried to explain it to him.

He would never grasp that I didn't love him the way he loved me... to me... he was like a brother and he just won't understand that all I need from him was just to be there when I needed him... and not as a lover but as my friend and only my friend.

"I just... I just want to be friends... nothing more." I say.


	15. Love You Not

~Andrew~

 

Later that day, after (Y/N) had come in, we had dinner quietly and watched a movie together. But during the film, she had fallen asleep. Pausing it I get up and uncover myself, walking up to the chair, I looked at her peaceful face as it was tilted to the side.

Carefully I pick her up, caring her bridal style I head for her bedroom. Slowly walking up the stairs I felt her stir a little in my arms. Then walking through the hallway I made it to her door. I open the door then lightly kick it open.

Stepping in I walk over to her bed and gently set her down. I take the blanket and flip it over her body, tucking her in I watched as she moved a little. Kneeling next to the bed I watch her for a bit. Extending my right-hand out I take a piece of hair and move it away from her face.

 _God, I love you._  I wished she felt the same... but something happened that changed her whole personality. Something bad it seemed.  _Did her father do something that really fucked her up? What happened while she went missing?_

The girl in front of me wasn't the same one I was best friends with in high school and before. All I wanted to do was make her happy, and help her forget all the bad things that happened in her life, to guard her from the things that wanted to harm her... but she wasn't letting me... that was about the only thing that remained the same, her need to take care of herself.

 

~Memory~

 

_It was a free period and I was following (Y/N) who was rushing away from her locker after someone had grabbed (Y/N) and nearly revealed something on her body. Curiously I follow her finding she hid in a janitor's closet._

_Waiting a moment I look around making sure no one saw me. Then I entered, swinging open the door I slip in and I hear a soft gasp. Shutting the door I look back and find (Y/N) hiding her wrists._

_Walking up to her I take her wrists into my hands and pull up her sleeves. There were bruises and on her right arm was gauze wrapped up her arm starting at her wrist and working it's way up to her elbow. "Are you cutting yourself?" I ask._

_(Y/N) yanks her hands away and shook her head quickly. Afterward, she turned her head to the side in embarrassment. "I promise I won't tell anyone." I tell her. Her eyes glanced over and she blinked a couple of times before looking down at her hands._

_"My dad... he's not the greatest-_

_"Your dad did that to you?!" I nearly shout, she covers mouth and glares slightly._

_"Keep your voice down, someone could hear us." she whispers._

_I peel her hands off of me and hold them in mine. "You gotta report him (Y/N)... what he's doing is wrong-_

_"I've tried, but I don't have a phone and he cut all the phones at home and if he does get taken my mom won't take me... and I don't wanna go through the foster system. I can't run away because he'll find me Andrew." she tells me._

_I felt that she had to do something but never did. She endured the pain until graduation and I wasn't there... because I graduated early and left._

 

~Memory Over~

 

(Y/N) stirs in her sleep and turns her back to me. And thanks to her tank top, it revealed all the wounds. Wounds I never knew marked her skin, around me she always kept a T-shirt on... this was the first time she had a tank top on.  _Her dad is a monster._  Gently my fingers grazed over the marks, so many indents in the once perfect skin.

_How many times did Erick do this? And for how long? What kind of man does this?_

 

~(Y/N)~

 

I open my eyes slowly... I felt his fingers gently glide over the marks on my back. He never knew of what was on my back... no one did not even mom or Lizzi. I turn and look at him. "You weren't meant to see those." I mutter.

He leans back and crosses his arms. "You can't keep protecting yourself... see where it's gotten you because you didn't tell anyone else!" he snaps, standing on his feet he glares down at me.

"If you were in my position Andrew then you'd understand-"

"Oh no, if I were in your position I would've landed that asshole in jail. I wouldn't have cared where I went as long as that prick was gone." he argues.

I sit up in the bed watching him start pacing back and forth. "Why? Why are you so hell-bent on doing everything on your own? Why don't you ever ask for help? What's so wrong about asking?" he asks me.

For the longest time, I wasn't able to answer that... even now I wasn't sure if I'd be able to. "I just... I don't want help. I say that knowing there are things in this world that are too difficult for me to handle on my own... but even when I was being abused, I wanted to remain strong." I mutter.

"I hope you realize that you only push people away, people who love you and want to protect you-

"Like you? Obviously, you don't understand the difference between protection and coddling. All you've ever done is coddle me like a baby. Ever since you found out what my dad had been doing to me- you pressured me into telling someone else, as if it would make things better. And when you saw I was hurt you'd baby the fuck outta me! I hated it and yet you still do it to this day!" I yell. He turns his head and glares at the floor.

"I do it because I love you but it seems like your father beat all the love outta you a long time ago." he says. With that, he left the room slamming the door behind him leaving me there slightly shocked by his harsh words. I fall back down into a lying position on my side as his words play over and over in my head.  _But it seems like your father beat all the love outta you a long time ago..._    


	16. The Ones From That Time

~(Y/N)~

 

It was the next day, currently, Andrew and I were silently exploring the town. We had been ignoring each other since last night’s fight. We both said some hurtful things and now couldn’t even look at each other.

I didn’t let his words get to me, I kept telling myself that why he said all that was because he didn’t understand. Walking past each shop I was looking to find a gift for my mother and Milo. I didn’t want the fighting to get in the way of this vacation. I intended to make the most of it before going home and preparing for the anniversary.

The town was rather small and seemed more for tourists. Coming up to the corner I didn’t see the person coming towards me. Ramming their shoulder into mine I lost balance and fell forward onto the sidewalk. My palms scrapped against the ground and the burning slowly sank in.

Hissing in pain I slowly stand back up finding both hands scrapped up pretty well with blood slowly seeping from the wounds. The bag I had in my hand was on the ground and I drop down to pick it up when I saw another hand picking up the thing I bought. Looking up I find Andrew being the one to pick it up. Darting my eyes away I grimace softly. I take the bag from him and stand up and walk past him.

“You should get those cleaned.” he calls.

I continued to walk even though he was right. Going into the nearest store I walk back and head to the bathroom. In my bag I kept a small first aid kit, once in the women’s bathroom I walk up to the sink, twisting the knob to the faucet warm water starts to run and I place both palms under the running water. Afterward, I disinfect the wounds and then cover them with a bandage.

After that, I look up finding Andrew there standing behind me.  _This guy seriously needs to give me a moment alone._  “Do you enjoy following me everywhere I go?” I ask. In his expression I could see guilt, that was all I could see.

“I’m sorry, I’m an asshole I was just so angry yesterday, and I’m ruining this whole trip for you, for us.” he mutters at the end. Putting the kit back in my back I sigh softly and look back down.

“At least you can admit it.” I say in a bland tone. I was uninterested in his apologies, he had apologized to me so much that I was finding it hard to believe he actually meant it.

“You don’t even seem to care anymore… it’s like the life has been sucked outta you.” he points out.  _Yeah well, when you leave behind someone you love life seems to become dull and uninteresting._

“And you still stating the obvious but still don’t understand that people change. Things happened that I can’t take back and changed me. I’m not you who seems to stay in this perfect little bubble. So no, I don’t care because eventually the ‘I’m sorrys’ stop meaning something to me.” I tell him. With that, I closed my bag and swung it over my shoulder. I had proved my point once again knowing that he still wouldn’t grasp that he and I just weren’t in the same place as we once were.

Turning away from the sink I step past him and out the door heading on to the next shop in search for the gift for my mother. Soon enough Andrew was back to following me down the street, stuck to me like velcro. It was true though, these days I was uninteresting in a lot of things, like having a relationship with someone or keeping up with my friends. I was done with the bullshit and missing the ones I truly cared about… the ones from that time. 


	17. Without A Doubt

~(Y/N)~

 

It was the next day, a rather cloudy but warm day. Andrew and I decided to go outside and walk along the shore. The cold sea water would hit our feet when it pulled back in. In my right hand I held my shoes, beside me Andrew walked.

We hadn't talked much since yesterday in the women's bathroom. My hopes for a relaxing trip was shot down when Andrew kept pushing me to be with him. I didn't want him, not like that but nothing I could say would convince him.

 _If only Levi were here._  As we walked along the shore I soon stop and turn to look at the setting sun that peeked through the clouds just now. It made me think back to the time at the lake with Levi.

 

~Memory~

 

_Levi held my wrist as he tugged me along in the woods. "Okay, seriously where are we going?" I ask._

_He lets out a sigh and looks back at me with an annoying tone. "You've asked that for the tenth time... and I'm gonna keep giving you the same fuckin' answer." he says._

_Rolling my eyes I start to slow down only causing him to yank me forward. "You're in a hurry." I say._

_As he pushes some branches away he revealed something beautiful. It was a large lake, fireflies were out floating around while the sun was setting. "Oh wow." I say softly as I walk past him. Walking up to the waters I strip of my boots and step into the water, it was chilly but nice at the same time since it was a warmer day today._

_With weeks before the expedition, I had grown a little more nervous. I don't think I'd be able to make it home before then. I hear his boots hit the ground a little ways behind me looking back I find him walking through the sand in slight disgust. "You didn't have to take your shoes off it you didn't want to." I say._

_He ignores my words and stand beside me as the water rushes up hitting his feet. We stood there for a moment before I got the idea to splash water at him. Chuckling softly I watch him slowly turn his head over to me, his expression was annoyed. Thinking he'd yell at me I back away and watch as he sticks his hand in the water and flicks his wrist up. He splashed the water back at me so I kick water back at him making the bottom of his pants wet._

_I laugh loudly and watch as he looks up with a devilish smirk. Turning away I start to run from him, turning my head back slightly I find him chasing me as expected. I turn and start heading the other way until he grabbed me by the waist. Lifting me off the ground he then carried me out to the water a little further than before. "No!" I giggle._

_Dipping me into the water I grab onto the collar of his shirt bringing him down with me. The water pulled back as we laid there looking at each other. But moments later the water came rushing up causing me to get soaked. I looked up at Levi who was towering over me, my heart pounding at his closeness and seeing the position we were in._

_His finger came to my neck and pushed the wet strand of hair away. He sighs softly as his eyes move back and forth across my face. This was like the other day with me falling from the tree. When the water rushed back in I splash him right in the face before laughing loudly. With his right hand he goes to wipe his face allowing me to roll out from under him._

_Quickly getting up I turn back to find him standing up and brushing himself off. I was covered in sand and drenched. "We should head back." I say as I grab my boots. Levi nods and grabs his as well and starts walking beside me back to the headquarters._

 

~Memory Over~

 

"It's beautiful." Andrew says, bringing me back to reality I shake my head slightly and look back at the reddish sun.

"Yeah...it was." I mutter.

As Andrew stood there continuing to watch I turn away and walk on back to the house. It was getting colder and I didn't want to stay out any longer than I have to. For some time now I knew that it was going to be hard to move on... but as the days grew closer to the anniversary it was becoming more clear to me that it was impossible.

I didn't want to fall in love all over again or give my heart to another. Since leaving Levi I felt dead inside, and as stupid as it sounds that a guy could affect me so much. It was true. Since coming back the people I used to be close to have all just annoyed the hell outta me. I began to question why I ever left Levi in the first place.

Now that I think about it I'd rather forget all this, these people, this place. I should consider myself lucky that I don't have to deal with Titans anymore but, I'd rather live in that time where I had real friends... a real purpose than spend another day here in this time.

As I walked up the stairs to the house I turn back finding Andrew still standing at the shore. These people here have no respect for me or my choices. No matter how hard I try to keep these relationships from crumbling, it is out of my hands.

 

~Andrew~

 

I watched the sun disappear behind the dark clouds. I regret the things I said, and now I've hurt (Y/N), at least that how it seemed due to her lack of words throughout today. With I sigh I look down at my feet as I draw in the sand alone in the dark.

I wanted to much to be apart of (Y/N)'s life, I fought as hard as I could but she wasn't letting in. Ever part of her was shut off and lifeless. I hoped it would be me to brighten up her life, make her happy. I wanted to love her and help her through this but she wasn't letting me. And I didn't know what else I could possibly do.

I loved her completely...wholeheartedly. Without a doubt. 


	18. Unwell

~(Y/N)~

 

I woke up feeling like utter crap. My nose was stuffy and my eyes felt heavy, and for the past couple of days my stomach had been feeling a little off. With a sigh, I lay my hand on my forehead and shut my eyes again.

But before I could fall back asleep I hear a soft knock at my door. “Come in.” I say, my voice was scratchy.

I watched as the door opens and Andrew pops his head in. “Morning.” he greets. Entering my room he walks over to the bed, looking at me a little confused he gently places the back of his hand on my forehead.

“Ah shit, you’re burning up.” he mutters.

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.” I mutter.

I sniffle softly and look up at the ceiling. “I’ll go and make you some soup.” he says. I nod slowly before turning my back to him. I cough quietly as I hear him walk away from the bed. Slowly I pull the covers over my shoulder to keep warm as I sniffle again.

 

~Time Skip~

 

A while after Andrew left to make my soup I was starting to feel a little worse than before. But soon after I sat up the door opens and a cool breeze sweeps in. Pulling the covers over my shoulders again I look up and glare at Andrew.

Smiling innocently he walks over to me with the tray of foods. Placing it on my lap he backs away slightly and kneels on the floor. With the spoon, I slowly pick it up and dip it into the steaming soup. Once getting a spoon full of soup I put the spoon to my mouth and softly slip. After swallowing the tasteless substance I sigh softly and sniffle again hoping to have cleared my nose a bit more.

I go in for another spoon full and continue until I felt full. On the tray, there was also some medicine and a glass of water. Grabbing both I pop the pills and quickly down it with water, jerking my head back I swallow the pills. I set the glass on the nightstand next to the bed then hand the tray off to Andrew.

“Get some rest, I’ll check on you in a bit okay?” he asks.

I nod and lay back down on the bed. Turning my back to him I shut my eyes and fall back asleep hoping this sickness would fade away while I slept.

 

~Dream/Memory~

 

_A couple months had passed since returning and I was remembering quite a lot since I had returned. Now I was getting ready to go back to school soon. Still, I needed to go see my therapist every Friday, but only to do check-ups and what not._

_Exiting my room I head into the kitchen where my mother had been making breakfast. “Morning.” she greets._

_“Morning.” I say in a groggy tone._

_As much as I was in the present, my mind still lingered on the past. Back when I was with them. I hadn’t told anyone where I had gone, and no one really questioned it anymore like I thought they would. Standing in front of the sink I look out at the backyard._

_The memories from that time were still fresh in my mind granted it had been two months since being there. I missed the others dearly, Eren and his kindness, Hanji who had been there since the beginning for me. And Levi, the man who still had my heart even if I could no longer be with him._

_My research had stopped after my return, I was too afraid to find out how they would die. All I wanted to do was hope the best for them. “(Y/N).” I hear my mother call, bringing me out from my thoughts I turn to her, she was at the table looking over at me._

_There were two plates filled with food. Oh, I guess she finished. I slowly walk over to the table and sit across from her. Looking down at my plate, I grasp the fork in my right hand and slowly begin to eat my breakfast. How I missed them all…_

_After eating, I returned to my room. Shutting the door I walk back over to my bed and crawl back into the hole I had created. Although I had retrieved a good portion of my memories it didn’t make it easier on me. I remembered how my father abused me… how he whipped me… choked me… said many hurtful things to tear me down. Along with that were all the memories I now cherished of Levi… of Hanji and Eren the squad, everyone I met in the Survey Corps._

_My time with them would forever be tattooed to my heart. No longer did I have any desires to research my family… because then it would lead back to him. Levi. And I didn’t want to know how he’d die whether it was in a gruesome battle or peaceful in his bed as an old man._

 

~End of Dream/Memory~

 

Tears poured from my eyes as I awoke. I woke up the sound of the door creaking open, as I raise my head my vision was like I was wasted drunk. I felt dizzy as I sat up slowly, by the door a figured showed. “Hey are you okay?” I hear the familiar voice call.

Confused I look up at the blurry figure. “Levi?” I mutter.

The floor creaks with each step as the figure grew closer to me. Although my vision was still a little fuzzy I saw his face… and I lost it. Clutching onto the collar of his shirt I shake violently as the tears continue to pour. Sniffling softly I look down away from his face. The man in front of me was the one who held my heart, the man I absolutely hated in the beginning but grew to love. “I’m so sorry Levi.” I sob.

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m here now.” he says bringing me into his arms.

Resting my chin on his shoulder I look up at the ceiling and cry out as I held him tightly. I was a mess, the moment I saw his steel bluish grey eyes I lost it, I had no control over the emotions I felt I had missed him so much that it was hard to breathe. Huffing and sobbing I pushed myself closer to him making sure he couldn’t leave me. “I-I...I shouldn’t have left! I’m so sorry.” I cry.

I felt his hand gently stroke the back of my head to calm me. Sniffling I pull my head back to face him, both my hands held onto his shoulders as I still shook in his arms. “I love you Levi.” I mutter, with that I lean in to kiss him. As my lips were just about to meet his, I was suddenly stopped when his hands grab my arms.

 

~Andrew~

 

I held her arms preventing her from kissing me. I didn’t know who this Levi was but she definitely wasn’t getting any better if she was hallucinating me as some other guy. It hurt, and I wasn’t going to take advantage of her when she was in this state. “(Y/N) you’re sick, I’m gonna call the doctor okay?” I ask.

She looks at me confused as the tears continue to fall down her face. My heart ached that she loved another man, that was why she had felt like shit since coming back from missing. I push her to lay back down and get her laying on her back while still looking at me in confusion. “I’ll be back in a bit okay? With the doctor.” I add.

Pulling the covers up over her chest I stand up and turn away from her bed. Quickly I stomp out of her room and shut the door behind me, standing there in front of her door I felt a single tear trail down my face. Quickly I wipe it away as if I was afraid someone would see, sniffling softly I take a deep breath then head downstairs to grab my phone and make a call to the doctor. 


	19. Sides

~(Y/N)~

 

The next morning I woke up to the doorbell ringing. Still, a little under the weather I get up out of bed slowly, taking my blanket with me I stumble across the room and over to the door. Opening the door I walk out into the hall and lean over the ledge slightly to see down into the living room.

It was a woman.  _The doctor? Again?_  Walking down the stairs I meet the two down in the living room. “What’s going on?” I ask in a raspy tone.

They both turn around and I stood completely still when I saw who it really was. Lizzi. Andrew cocked his head up signaling for me to go back up stairs. “Back to bed (Y/N), Doctor’s orders.” he says as he walks over to me.

I step away and look at him in disbelief. “Fuck what the doctor has to say… what are you doing here?” I ask, my eyes drifting away from Andrew over to Lizzi. She crosses her arms and glares over to me, I could see that on her left hand was a rather large ring.

“I wanted to talk… but it seems you’re under the weather so… maybe another time.” she says.

As she starts to put her coat back on I raise my hand. “I’m fine, now tell me what you want to talk about.” I tell her.

She sighs and looks over to Andrew then back at me. “I’m getting married.” she announces.

“Clearly, the big rock on your finger sure caught my attention.” I say.

She looks down at me then hides it away. “Yeah… I really wanted to talk and get advice from you.” she says.

Slowly a smile crept onto my face and I start to weakly laugh which turned into coughs. “That’s just funny. Don’t waste my time.” I say as I turn away… only I’m stopped by Andrew who steps in front of me.

“Hey… just listen to what she has to say.” he mutters.

I pull the blankets tighter as I look up to glare at him. “Like I said I’m not wasting my time on someone who’s going to ask for my advice but not listen… she knows I’ll be right.” I say as I turn back to her. “Let me guess you don’t love him and he guilt tripped you into an engagement.” I say.

She remains silently which only confirms what I assumed. I chuckle softly and look down at the floor. “Figure it out yourself… like you said you weren’t going to come to me with this shit.” I say as I turn away.

I go to walk past Andrew before he steps in my path again. “Andrew you better let me by or your gonna get a foot up your ass.” I growl.

He crosses his arms and looks down at me. “You may not like me, but Lizzi is still your friend and you help your friends.” he says before walking over to her.

I wasn’t surprised, Andrew always seemed to take interest in Lizzi and her shit. It wouldn’t be the first time he’d taken her side… clearly, it wouldn’t be the last. I turn my head to look behind my shoulder seeing the two of them against me like this… I felt nothing. “How about you help her… because neither of you are my friends anyway.” I say.

With that, I walk away back up to the bedroom regretting that I even left in the first place. I wasn’t going to listen to another one of Lizzi’s bullshit excuses to dump a guy who actually might seem pretty decent. And Andrew… I was beyond done with him. Falling back onto my bed I hide away in the covers and fall back asleep dreaming about the past and the people who were my real friends.

 

~Time Skip~

 

There was a knock at my door causing me to jolt up. Looking back at the door I watched as it opened slowly. I hide away when I saw Lizzi step in slowly and shut the door. I sigh loudly and turn my back to the door.

“What happened to us (Y/N)? Ever since you came back from… where ever you were, you’ve been so distant. You hardly leave your house, you never want to spend time with people who actually care about you-

I sit up and turn to her with tears in my eyes. “Care about me? Who the hell gives a shit about me? After I got back no one even asked if I was okay- you didn’t make plans to come see me! You came when you felt like it or when you needed help dumping your boyfriend for the week!” I yell.

She steps back and looks at the floor. “Tch… I looked for you… I was so worried you had been killed or something. Your mother helped look too! So there are people who care (Y/N) but you’re too shut off to see it-”

I shake my head and hold myself as I look to the floor. “No… being shut off or distant has really opened up my eyes. You were never really my friend and neither was Andrew. You guys always excluded me from things. The only reason why we were supposedly close in college was because you didn’t know anyone else and Andrew? He has no respect for me or my choices… none of you do… so why don’t you do us both a favor and leave… don’t come crawling back… because I’m not someone you can come crying to when your life is shitty over something stupid.” I tell her.

I watched her eyes glisten with tears and just like that she rushed out of the room, slamming the door behind her I lay back down on the bed. I didn’t feel any better than I had hoped. Since recollecting my memories I came to the realization that before I traveled back in time I was fooling myself.

Thinking that mine and Lizzi’s friendship was even close to being real. I forced myself to believed she was there for me when I needed her. But in reality, she was just a shadow who disappeared in my darkest hours.

 

~Andrew~

 

I hear the door slam and footsteps stomp down the hall and to the stairs. Lizzi had come storming out of (Y/N) room after all the yelling had stopped. At the front door, she turned to me and wiped her tears away. “Whoever that is up there… it isn’t (Y/N) and I wouldn’t waste your time trying to save her when she clearly does want us around.” Lizzi sobs angrily.

With that, she opened the door and slams it shut. Her visit was quick and pointless, sitting on the sofa I looked up in the direction where (Y/N) room would be. Lizzi may have wanted to give up, but I sure as hell wasn’t. Although it was clear (Y/N) wanted nothing to do with me, I still wanted to prove I could be a good friend to her. Or at least I hope prove to her that I was on her side. 


	20. Second Best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Some graphic scenes of violence in the beginning. If you are easily triggered or uncomfortable with the content then please skip

~(Y/N)~

 

~Dreaming/Memory~

 

_Crack...crack...crack. Was the sound the whip made as it hit me across the back. I shudder with each strike and clutched to the chair. My knees ready to give out any second. When the final blow came I fell to my knees and whimper softly._

_“Get back to your room bitch. And don’t even think about trying to run away ever again!” my father yells._

_As quickly as I possibly could I make my way back up to my bedroom. When I reached the stairs I trip up the first few steps. After reaching the top steps I went to the bathroom immediately to cover my wounds._

_While I was in the bathroom after poorly cleaning up after my father’s mess I hear a knock at the door. Fearing it was my father wanting to beat me again I was hesitant when opening the door. Slowly as I open it I find him outside with a sad look on his face._

_I go to shut the door again when his foot stops the door. He sniffles softly and pushes the door wide open, stepping in he looks down at me sadly before turning me so my back was facing him. “I’m sorry.” he sobs before lifting up the back of my shirt. I tense up feeling my shirt lift up but when I realized he was trying to tend to my wounds I relax a little more but not enough to feel completely comfortable._

_At any moment his switch would flip and he’d be back to whipping me again. So I didn’t speak, I didn’t even move. “I’m so sorry (Y/N), things have been so hard without your mother around… I’ve been overworked trying to pay the bills, I’m just so stressed.” he cries._

_This was really the only times he was ever really ‘nice’ to me… it was always after he beat me and had time to cool down. Although that didn’t make him any better it gave my body and mind a rest. “But you know, you deserve it… you’re disrespectful, you’re ungrateful for all the effort I put in to make sure there is food on the table every night for you.” he says._

_I turn to him and look down at the floor. “Sorry… dad.” I mutter._

_He sighs and points to the door. “Just go to your room.” he says._

_Quickly I do as told and run to my room before he changes his mind. Flipping the lock up I lean against the door gently trying not to hurt my back from the fresh wounds._

 

~Dream/Memory Over~

 

I shot up from the bed and go into a slight coughing fit before turning slightly. In the corner of my room with the lamp light on sat Andrew. He was in the chair reading a book with his reading glasses on, but at the moment he was glancing at me.

I lay back down and turn my back to him like before. I had nothing to say to him, as far as I was concerned I was still giving him the silent treatment for what happened yesterday.

Shutting my eyes again I try and go back to sleep, hoping this time it wouldn’t be another painful memory.

 

~Dream/Memory~

 

_Another rainy day at the hideout which only meant one thing. No Levi. Walking along the halls I made my way to Levi’s room. Stopping at his door I take in a deep breathe and look around making sure no one saw me. Even when things had gone to shit, and we were in hiding Levi still rather stay in bed on rainy days._

_The hallway was empty thankful. With my hand on the knob, I twist it and push it inward, quickly I slip into the dark room and shut the door again. As assumed I found Levi laying on his bed with the covers over his shoulders._

_Although things between him and I were in an odd place, I didn’t want to leave him alone. Yesterday we were ambushed by Kenny’s squad, we were currently in another location hiding out with Sannes. They hadn’t interrogated him yet because we were waiting for Hanji._

_Standing beside the bed I kneel down, he had been facing me but his eyes were shut tightly. Although I had denied him so much these past few days, deep down it was completely different. I needed to get back home, being in this time would eventually mess things up. But for now, all I could think was how I wanted to stay by his side and make sure he’d be okay. Gently I lay my hand on the side of his head, his eyes quickly open and look directly at me._

_He didn’t tell me to go away or to take my hand off of him. He just laid there staring at me, he let out a sigh just before his right hand came and gripped the hand I had on his head. “I didn’t hear you come in.” he mutters._

_I slide in a little closer as my thumb gently brushes back and forth on his face. “I didn’t want to disturb you in case you were asleep, I just didn’t want to leave you alone today.” I mutter. As sweet as it sounds, part of me hoped he didn’t take it as a sign of showing affection for him. But I was beginning to care less and less if my feelings showed._

_“Thank you.” he mutters before turning his head up, he held my hand as his head turned. My hand covered his mouth gently only because he held it there and I felt his lips press into it as he kisses it softly. That’s when something had sparked in me, even if I was upset with him over kissing me in front of everyone I couldn’t stay mad at him for long._

_“Hanji should be here in a few hours… do you think you’ll be okay by then?” I ask softly._

_Quickly he nods his head. Bringing my hand off his mouth I lean over him and rest my hand on the edge of the bed. Leaning down over his mouth I watched him look at me in slight confusion, but before he could say anything I shut my eyes and press my lips into his softly. His lips were soft as always, and I was becoming more addicted to his kisses that I couldn’t be alone with him without thinking about his lips on mine._

_After a couple of seconds, before I could lose myself to the kiss I pull away but stay close to him. “Find me after you interrogate Sannes…” I whisper. After telling him that I stood up with my eyes still locked on his, he looked as if he was about to jump out of bed and tackle me to the ground._

_I would’ve let him, but as I slowly moved away back to the door he didn’t move once. I could see he was trying to restrain himself and he was doing a pretty good job at holding back because I got out without being tackled._

_I planned to confess, no matter how bad of an idea it was, there was no denying what I felt for him. I didn’t want to hurt him anymore._

 

~Dream/Memory Over~

 

I woke up again but this time all that came out were tears. The hope for no painful memories had been shot down when the dream of Levi came to mind. I missed him so much that all that played in my mind for the past almost year now was my memories of him. And I knew then that even if I’d never see him again, I’d love him all my life and that I would have to put up with second best.

With that, I glance back at Andrew and sniffle softly. His eyes remained on the book as his eyes scanned over the page quickly.  _Yeah… second best._    _  
_


	21. Slowly Breaking

~(Y/N)~

 

A couple days passed and the sickness had faded away, thanks to Andrew he had gotten me through. Slowly getting out of bed I press my feet onto the cold floors. Walking over to the door I open it and walk down to the living room.

In the kitchen I saw Andrew working at making breakfast, walking over to him I go to the fridge to get something to drink. "How are you feeling?" he asks.

I shut the fridge door and look at him. "Better." I say.

He smiles and turns to me. "So, you wanna tell me why you and Lizzi are having issues?" he asks.

I let out a sigh and set the carton of juice down, biting my bottom lip I rub the right eye wishing I didn't have to say. "She's not who she used to be... she didn't let guys run her life. All she ever came to me for was about the guys she dated and wanted my advice she'd never take." I tell him.

Turning my back to him I pour the juice into the glass, then shortly after I put the carton back in the fridge. Then I hopped up on the counter where I drank my juice and looked at Andrew, his eyes were soft, but then again that's how he usually looked.  _Second best._  That was all I could think when I see him now.

Since the days were drawing closer I was thinking more and more about Levi when I had tried so hard to shut out all those feelings and memories. And with that came the little voice in my head reminding me who second best was.

And it made me wonder, could I ever be happy with Andrew? Sure he was rich, and handsome, and annoyingly too kind sometimes. But could I really marry him? Have kids with him? Would I have to sign a prenup? I was sure I would have to consider he was from a rich family and his parents would want him to set it up in case something happened.

Looking at Andrew I wondered if he'd even have a prenup as an option. He had always cared for me, even when I didn't want him to. Watching him walk up to me, he spread my legs apart gently and stood between them. His eyes locked with mine. "What do I have to do?" he asks softly.

I went to take another sip when he grabs my cup and sets it down beside me. Closing in, my eyes directly went to his mouth. "Just this once? Can I kiss you?" he asks.

I wanted to say no, I should say no. But I wanted to see, for myself if there would be a feeling. Slowly I begin to nod my head and he slowly leans into me. His hands gripping my waist softly as his lips brush against mine before full on pressing into them. His lips were soft and the kiss was gentle but I couldn't get into it.

His eyes shut as he sighs and presses deeper. My eyes were wide open looking about the room not enjoying it whatsoever. I felt nothing, other than this sick feeling in my stomach. It was guilt. Before Andrew could even get lost in the kiss I push him off and bounce off the counter. Legs weak and shaky made me collapse on the floor as I shake my head and shut my eyes tightly. My hands clapped over my mouth as I shudder like I had been swiped across the back with my father's whip again.

Standing up I begin to walk away quickly and back up the stairs.  _No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!_  That was all I could think as I ran into my room, slamming the door shut I flip the lock and fall onto the floor as tears poured from my eyes. The guilt was killing me and it was over one stupid little kiss. Sniffling I held myself while I sat on the floor with my legs crossed.

I kept wiping my lips trying hard to forget the feeling of Andrews lips on mine. I shook my head as I whimper softly and rock myself back and forth. Part of me wanted to like it, I wanted to be able to have feelings for Andrew, but it was clear as day that I didn't want to know that feeling unless it was me and Levi.

 

~Andrew~

 

I stood outside her door listening to her cries. I felt as if I had pressured her into it, I didn't want to admit that I wanted to kiss her more considering she's in this state. I stood outside her door waiting for her to calm down in hopes to talk to her about it... and apologize for pressuring her into it.

It didn't take long for the cries to stop, and immediately after hearing them stop her door opens, her eyes were puffy and her cheeks still damp. Sniffling softly she looked to the floor in embarrassment that she literally took off moments after stopping the kiss. "(Y/N) I'm so sorry- I didn't mean to pressure you-"

She raises her hands and her eyes shut tightly seeming to try and stop herself from crying again. "I can't... with you- I just..." she stops and covers her mouth as the tears start to stream again.

"Shh, it's okay." I say as I bring her into my arms.

Crying in my arms she shook her head and back away. "No, it's not, you're a nice guy and I.." she wipes her eyes and shakes her head.

Backing away she grabs the door frame and looks up at me. Her eyes were filled with sadness and emptiness. "I can't be with you like that Andrew- I just don't feel that way about you, so can you please... please just be my friend?" she asks me.

I couldn't tell her no, she could ask me to travel across the world to get one thing and I'd do it in a heartbeat. And as much as I wanted to love her, and be loved by her. I nod and bring her back into my arms. She shook gently like she was freezing, and I didn't know how else to comfort her.

"I'll always be your friend (Y/N)." I whisper, I cradled the back of her head as she hid her face in the crook of my neck. I was afraid she'd crumble to pieces at any moment. Since she came back that's all she had been doing, breaking, slowly and it was only getting worse.

"Promise me? That it will be nothing more?" she asks.

With a sigh, I shut my eyes tightly. "Promise." I whisper. 


	22. Thoughts of You

~(Y/N)~

 

~Memory~

 

_It was the second of my freshmen year, walking along the halls alongside Andrew I was off to my first class. Algebra. Andrew nudged my arm causing me to look over at him. "I'll meet you after class okay?" he asks._

_Nodding I continue to keep walking forward while he goes back and to his class. I clutch the textbooks close to my chest as I slowly make my way into the classroom. Going to the far back corner of the room I sat myself down and immediately open my book to the page that had been written on the board._

_Glancing to my left to the next desk, a blonde girl sat quietly on her phone passing the time before the bell rang. I hadn't seen her in this class before, so she was new. Looking back down at my book I sigh and pull a notebook out of the stack of notebooks at the corner of my desk. The bang rang and the teacher walks in._

_"Alright class, good morning. Get your notebook and pencils out, we'll begin with notes." the man says._

_"Psst." I hear a voice whisper to my left, glancing back over to the girl she was looking right at me. I turn to her to see what she wanted, that's when my eyes drifted down to her desk. She came unprepared, "Can I get some paper and borrow a pencil?" she asks._

_I hated people like this, I get that she was new. Pursing my lips together I nod and rip a few sheets out of my notebook and hand off a spare pencil for her. "Thanks." she mutters. I nod and begin taking notes until it came time to do the assignment._

_When the bell rang to go to the next class, I step out of the previous room after the new girl. She still seemed lost as she looked both ways down the hall then down at her schedule trying to match the numbers on the plaques next to the doors. I stop beside her and smile gently, "Do you need help finding your next class?" I ask._

_She looks over at me and shyly smiles back. "Please?" she asks._

_Quickly nodding, I look down at her schedule which was Science, the same place I was headed to. "Oh, I'm headed to the same class, follow me." I say as I start to walk in the direction of the class. She quickly follows and we walk alongside each other quietly until we reached the classroom. I didn't meet Andrew after class like I told him too, so I hope he'd do fine making his way to class alone today._

 

_~Time Skip~_

 

_Already halfway through the day, I sat myself down across from Andrew with my tray in front of me. "Did you finish the math? And where were you?" he asks me. As usual, I tried to finish my homework during school, that included math so I wouldn't have to worry about it. I nod and pull out the notebook allowing him to copy it down._

_That's when the blonde girl came up to the table. "Hi... mind if I sit with you guys?" she asks. Darting my eyes to Andrew he slightly shook his head but then I look back up at the girl. I wasn't able to tell Andrew that I was helping the new girl now that our attention was set on her._

_"Sure." I say._

_Smiling she steps around the table and sits beside me. "I'm Lizzi by the way, I just recently moved here." she says._

_I nod and force a smile towards her. "(Y/N)." I answer. Lizzi then darts her eyes over at Andrew as he looks at her with slight annoyance._

_"Andrew Graham." he introduces, his tone sounded uninterested. From that moment on Lizzi and I became close friends, she was the first friend I had that was a girl. Andrew didn't seem to like her as much but he still was good friends with her. But little did I know her friendship would turn out to be only something temporary._

 

_~Memory Over~_

 

~Andrew~

 

After leaving (Y/N) alone in her room, I walked over to my room where I shut myself in for the rest of the day. With a sigh, I lean against the door and look up at the ceiling.  _What am I doing? Making promises I know I won't be able to keep... for now, though I'll just have to be only a friend._ I still hoped though that soon I'd be more than just a friend to her... I just wanted her and only her.

Moments later I felt my phone buzz in my pocket, pulling it out I turn it on and find a message from Lizzi.  _'Hey'_  I read.

I wasn't really all that interested in talking to her after all that has happened. I type back 'hi' and shut my phone off as I walk over to my bed, falling down I lay on my back when my phone buzzes again.  _'I was wondering do you want to go out sometime when you get back?'_  she asks.

I didn't even answer right away, I just shut off my phone and set it beside me. Lizzi had always been annoying, at least to me anyway. I didn't really like her since she kinda took (Y/N) from me when they first met. We were on good terms and I had no reasons to hate her, but I didn't particularly like her.

_I thought she was engaged?_  Grabbing my phone I quickly text her back asking that very same question to her. Then shutting off my phone I lay there continuing to look up at the ceiling. It didn't take long for her to message me back saying  _'We were having problems, I'm single.'_  I read. Rolling my eyes this only proved how right (Y/N) making me feel bad I ever took Lizzi's side.

I quickly text back telling her no, and that I wouldn't be interested. I also added that when I got back I wanted to keep an eye on (Y/N). It didn't take long for Lizzi to message me back, and the response was nothing but rude.

_'Who cares? It's not like she wants our help anyway. Just let her be the loner she always wanted to be.'_  I read. Scoffing to the message I text her back saying not to contact me again, and that if she was really (Y/N)'s friend then she wouldn't be a total bitch to her. With that, I shut off my phone and tossed it away knowing I would be spammed with messages from her calling me things.

 

~(Y/N)~

 

In my bed facing the wall, all I could think about was the last kiss I shared with Levi, I pushed the feeling and image of Andrew kissing me deep down in my brain never to look back on again. Holding myself keeping my eyes to the wall as Andrew and I stayed in our separate room alone all day.

 

_~Dream/Memory~_

 

_Tangled in the sheets I drape my right leg over Levi's as he held me close. His hand gently caressed my back while his nose nudged against mine. Looking him in the eyes my right hand brushed his hair out of his face. We were on a bit of break since our last love making session ended only minutes ago._

_"I love you." I whisper._

_His lips tug into a soft smirk as he looks down. Grabbing my hands he looked down at them as he fiddled with them. "I really don't deserve you." he mutters. I look at him in disbelief, I pry my hands out of his and roll partly on top of him._

_"I wouldn't say that." I tell him, my hand tugged at the tips of his hair away from his face as he looked up at me._

_"Why should I deserve you? I've killed people you know." he says._

_I gently caress his face with the back of my hand as I look down at him. "Yeah, for a better cause and for survival. Besides, you've been through enough as it is... you deserve some happiness." I mutter._

_His lips tug up into a smirk again while his left-hand grabs the back of my head and pulls me down to kiss him. Levi's arms wrap around me as I through one leg over the other, I straddle his hips getting ready to start the next session._


	23. Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Graphic scenes of violence here in the beginning. If you are easily triggered then please skip that part.

~(Y/N)~

~Dream/Memory~

 

_I had pressed myself against the wall of my two story house taking a belt to my side. The sound of the belt making contact with my body made me flinch every time. "You're a little whore! No one will ever love a stupid whore like you!"._

_Snap! He had hit me for the fifth time hard. "Stop please!" I screech at the top of my lungs._

_Then, he grabbed my wrist and yanked me up. Dragging me across the kitchen, I lean back to slow him down. I knew what he was going to do, I knew what would happen next._

_The closet next to the bathroom. He had locked me in there countless times leaving me for hours on end with no food, no water, and no bathroom access. He opened the door and began shoving me in only I hooked my fingers on the molding that was around the door. I screamed and cried wishing he would set me free. "Get your stupid ass in there bitch!" he yells, then with his left foot, he kicked me hard in the stomach._

_He did this a few times until I let go and fell onto the closet floor. He then slammed the door shut leaving me in there with only the small light from the bottom of the door. I sat there sobbing and laying there in pain for hours. Sometimes he wouldn't let me out until morning._

_I was placed in here for stupid things like not cleaning something right away or coming out of my room. But this time I tried calling the police. I was a smart seven-year-old. Hours past by as I sat there silently listening to the times I heard his footsteps. Thud, thud, thud...Then, suddenly the door swung open._

_Ripping me out of the close he threw me against a wall. He smacked me hard in the face while I crouched down, he held my arm firmly and yanked at my hair with his free hand now. "Go to your room you piece of shit!" he yells._

 

~End of Dream~

 

Cold sweat seeps down my back as I shot up, heavily breathing, hands shaking, the memory and dream had sent me into a frenzy of cries. Rushing into my room came Andrew to see if I was alright, sitting on the edge of my bed he quickly took me into his arms disregarding if I felt comfortable.

My hands clutched at his back still shaken up sniffling softly I pull away from him and wiped my tears away. "Go back to bed, I'm sorry. It was a bad dream." I say.

Andrew shakes his head. "I'm staying until you calm down. Was the dream about Levi?" he asks.

Everything stopped, looking over to him in confusion everything stopped my heart, definitely my brain.  _What? Where? Why?_  "What?" I ask.

He sighs and moves in closer. "When you were sick... you were out of your head and talking about this guy Levi... and how you love him and that you were sorry for leaving." he tells me.

I had no memory of this happening, but then again the whole time I was sick was just me in and out of consciousness. I didn't know how to avoid this, looking over to him I purse my lips together. "He's no one." I say.

Andrew smiles and shakes his head. "Can't be, was he an ex that you miss?" he asks.

"Andrew stop-

"Boyfriend?" he then asks.

"Stop it! It's none of your business." I tell him.

He raises his hands in surrender and smiles innocently. "You're right. I'll change the subject." he says. I was ready to cry all over again now that he was bringing up Levi, I didn't want him to know anything about Levi, because then he'd be jealous and start asking questions I can't answer. He had no business asking me things about him before all this shit Andrew hadn't even bothered to call me. Once he left before my graduation, I hadn't heard from him until almost a year ago now.

Although Andrew may have forced his way back into my life, I didn't want to give him the privilege to know who I was romantic with. He was my friend and only that, it was bad enough he knew about my father and what was done to me.

I couldn't have him getting jealous over some guy he'd never be able to meet. I sometimes wished Levi was here because if he was Levi wouldn't tolerate Andrew's behavior one bit. And as much as I wanted to make Andrew understand my feelings, I couldn't get it through his thick head.

I relax and look down at my hands. I wish he would just go back to bed and let me handle this on my own. Andrews mood seemed to change after I said to drop the previous topic. That's when I watched him pull out his phone, turning it on he quickly went to the messages and tapped on Lizzi's name.

Handing me the phone I look down and begin reading the messages. I read through the words that were meant to hurt me, but I felt nothing. That was the feeling these days pure nothing. I pass him back the phone and shake my head. "So?" I ask. I was beyond done with Lizzi, I didn't have time to dwell on her or her words.

"I just thought you should know. Even if you guys aren't friends anymore... I knew one thing about your guy's relationship and that was no matter what kind of shit you two were in. You could always talk to each other. But now that I'm seeing the messages. I can see just how alone you are." he says.

Wrapping the covers around me I look at him weakly. "I don't wanna talk anymore. I just wanna go back to sleep." I tell him.

He nods softly and stands up beside the bed. "If you have a bad dream again, I'll be here to hold you until you stop crying." he says.

I watched as he slowly made his way to the door to see if I'd change my mind and let him stay with me for the rest of the night. But I said nothing and he eventually left. Left me to face this never-ending nightmare on my own, like I had wanted. Sitting there on the bed, I thought back to the dream, it brought a horrible chill to my spine and I hated it. It was like fear crawling over me making sure I never would forget what he did to me.

If I hadn't left all those bad memories would have been wiped from my brain, and I wouldn't have to feel the fear everytime my father's face came to mind. It made me wonder why I left in the first place if I hadn't left I wouldn't feel so...alone. 


	24. Done

~(Y/N)~

 

It was a Friday, a couple of days before we'd go back home. Andrew and I decided to spend the first part of the day outdoors since it was sunny and somewhat warm. I did want to look for a couple of things before we left.

Before then, I wanted to find a gift for my mother and Milo. Since they'd be the first to see when I got back I figured I'd drop off the gift then head home before heading over to the old Survey Corps headquarters.

Stepping into the closest store I came across some different kitchenware. I assumed my mother might want some different things in her kitchen, many people did that for married people. While I was looking at kitchenware Andrew was over at the next shop. Which was relieving, I would be alone even if it was just for a few minutes.

I walked through the aisle looking for the perfect gift I knew my mother would use. She already had a lot of things from the wedding, but I wanted to make sure she had things she'd use more often. The truth was I was more excited to see my mother than spend another day with Andrew. I could tell by his longing stares that he promised me those things just because I wanted to hear it.

Once had picked out something I went and paid for it. I had picked out some knives and a few other things. Taking the bags off the counter I head for the door, walking out I find that Andrew had just left the store too. I had wished he was still in there and left me to wait by going to the next shop to avoid him.

I go up to him and we start walking down the street together. He had a couple of boxes and one he passed off to me. Curiously I open the box to find a sapphire bracelet with my initials on it. "It's pretty." I say.

He smiles down at me. "You're welcome." he mutters.

After that, we grabbed lunch then got our ride home. The ride home was quiet with the soft tunes of instrumental music playing on the radio. Andrew's driver drove rather fast down the windy road, I kept my eyes looking out the window when I felt something brush up against my arm.

Looking over I find Andrew scooched over next to me. "Can you tell me a bit about him?" he asks.

"About who?" I ask.

"Levi." he says.

I let out a sigh and turn away from him.  _This is getting annoying._  "Don't start." I mutter.

"Oh com'on, I'm your friend, friends talk about these things." he says.

I turn away and look out the window wishing I could just jump out of the car and run away from this. I ignored him and he finally gave up trying to ask me about Levi. When we got home, I made my way into the kitchen to get something to drink and set my things down.

While I was drinking some water Andrew came up to me. He was a little too close for comfort. "Why don't you want to talk about it?" he asks.

I roll my eyes and slam the glass cup down. "Because it is none of your business." I say in an annoyed tone. Walking past him he then grabbed my arm and he spins me around to face him.

"Did he hurt you?" he asks me.

I look him in the eyes with an angry glare.  _More like I hurt him._  "Let me go." I say in a low tone. He smiles down at me and his grip grew a bit tighter. I had a bad feeling about what was going to happen next and all I wanted to do was drink my water and hide in my room until dinner time. But that wasn't happening today.

"Made that mistake once, not about to do it again." he says.

I go to pull away when his other hand wraps around my waist pulling me into him. His lips crashed into mine and I had to act quickly in order to stop it. But he had a tight hold on me and it was hard to move. I wiggle in his grasp and manage to pull away from him.

Turning my back to him I cover my mouth while he still held my right wrist. I shut my eyes wishing to get away. "I love you (Y/N). And I can't keep your promise- I'd just be lying to myself and you." he says. I didn't say anything, I just stood there with my back to him with my eyes shut tightly.

 _No, no no no no no no! This isn't supposed to be happening, I gotta get outta here._  Without warning, he pulled me in and kissed me again, this time I had to stop things for good. For a moment I kiss him back to make him think I was getting into it. His arms held me tightly keeping me from running off, but I had other plans to get him to stop. And when he opened his mouth that's when I bit his bottom lip really hard.

It didn't take long to taste the blood and hear him groan in pain. He releases my arms and pushes me away, the one thing I wish he did since the beginning. "Ow! The fuck?" he asks. Blood started to seep from his mouth. His fingers wiped at the blood trying to keep it from dripping down his face, as he looked at his fingers he looked over at me.  _That's what you get._

I knew then that nothing was going to change with him. And at the moment I just had to get out and be very, very far away from him. He stared over at me in confusion why I had done such a thing. I glared over at him ready to start yelling and cussing him out, I was so ready to leave him here, and go home. I was just beyond done.


	25. Broken Promises

~(Y/N)~

 

After everything, I ran into my bedroom, slamming the door shut I began pacing back and forth in my room angrily. I should've seen it coming, Andrew just couldn't do as I asked once. I needed to figure out how to get outta here, I couldn't stay a moment longer.

Falling to my knees on the floor I pulled my luggage out from under the bed, I was just so overwhelmed with hurt and anger that it all came out as tears. I had been crying too much and I hated it, I wanted to stop crying. Wiping my eyes I shake my head and carry on with packing up my clothes and the things I bought today.

It was a tight pack but it managed to zip up. Standing up I grab my laptop and all my other belongings and packed them away as well. My plan was that I was going to force Andrew to take me home, even if it meant that I needed to cuss him out again for it.

 

~A Few Minutes Ago~

 

I slapped him after he kissed me I ran up to him and slapped him hard. Although my hand was slightly stinging it was worth it. "You asshole!" I snap.

He just stood there looking at me, he didn't seem to have any regrets, and I wish I could make him regret it. "When are you going to understand that I don't love you?" I ask.

Again he didn't say anything, so I start to walk away. "You and I, we are done! You don't get to call me anymore, or see me ever again!" I snap.

It was quick and simple, I wasn't even going to waste my time go full on crazy for what he had done. I made it simple that his spot in my life was no longer available, and that he'd have to find someone else. And that's when I ran up into my room with my things.

 

~Present~

 

With my bags packed I looked in the mirror one last time. I was finally getting out and I never felt better. With all my bags on me, I begin to make my way downstairs, stepping off the final step I walk over to the front door and drop my bags there for a moment before walking back through the kitchen.

I wince at the memory of what happened minutes ago. Shaking my head I pass through the kitchen and back into the living room where I found Andrew sitting on the couch looking at the floor. I stood before him trying to fight the urge to cuss him out again. "I'm going home." I say in a calm tone.

His head shot up, but he didn't really seem all that surprised. "But, we have just a couple more days." he says.

I nod and look away from him. "Yeah, one more day and I might actually want to drown myself in the ocean." I tell him.

He looks down and grabs his phone. "Fine... I'll call the driver. You'll take my jet home." he says.

With that, I nod and make my way over to the front door. "Wait!" he calls, stopping I turn back.

"Is there any way I can convince you to stay?" he asks.

"I'd rather stay in actual hell than spend another moment here." I tell him.

Finally, I turned away and grabbed my bags at the front door. The driver came in fast, juggling all my things, I exit through the front door when the driver runs up to assist me in getting the things into the trunk.

I helped him stuff my bags in and shut the trunk. After that I looked back seeing Andrew looking at me from the front door, I look down at step around the car and open the back passenger door. Slipping in I shut the door and buckle myself in. As the driver began to drive off, I didn't look back once.

I was glad to finally be getting out, and no longer having to see him again. I planned to move out of my apartment when I got back, to avoid seeing Andrew in the halls, or the lobby, or the streets. I stuck in my earbuds and put on some music to drown out my thoughts. I drowned out my thoughts until it came time to board the jet.

Andrew's servant took my bags whilst I got on the plane. I took the first seat and grabbed out the book in my bag I had bought while here. I couldn't spend another moment here, I was free and I was going to enjoy every minute of it.

When the plane took off it felt like a weight had been lifted, and in a few hours, I'd be back home where I would be far, far away from Andrew. There I could finally be alone and go to the Survey Corps headquarters without worrying if I'd be followed by him. He didn't love me, because if he did he'd know how to let me go. I felt that the only reason why he felt those feelings was so he could fix me. And I wasn't something to be fixed by someone like him.

I was glad that I dropped the friends I had in high school. I still had one friend who I could trust, and that was Desiree. Although she and Harry might've been busy, I intended to see her soon to tell her everything about the trip and how it went horribly wrong.

 

~Time Skip~

 

Later when I finally landed in Rose, Andrew texted me saying he was sorry. All I did was go into my settings and block his number. I cut him completely off, cold turkey. He had his chance and it was over, he screwed it all up when he broke his promises.

The driver was nice enough to give me a ride to my mother, I didn't turn him down because I didn't feel like waiting around for a taxi. Shoving the things back into the trunk I got in and he took me home. And for once it kinda felt like home.


	26. Home

~(Y/N)~

 

The driver pulled up along the curb out in front of my mother's house. Looking through the window I could see the lights on still. Getting out I go straight to the back and grab my things, even though the ride was free, I still felt that I needed to pay the driver.

Stepping up onto the sidewalk I turn and watch as he drives away. With a sigh, I start to walk up to the door. I didn't have a key so I knocked on the door, it didn't take long for someone to answer, and thank god it was my mother.

When she opened the door I jumped into her arms and held her tightly. It was the first real hug I ever got from my mother. And for once, it felt nice. "Oh, sweetie! What are you doing home so early? I wasn't expecting you for another couple of days." she says.

I release her and make my way into the house. "I couldn't stay a moment longer." I say. She shut the door and Milo came out of the bedroom.

"Oh, hey kid!" he greets.

Walking over I hug him too feeling like I hadn't seen them in ages. "Sweetie, what is going on?" my mother asks.

Releasing Milo I turn to her and pull my coat off. "I'll leave you two." Milo says as he goes back into the bedroom. With a sigh, I go into the living room with my mother where we both sat on the couch.

Sitting next to her we remained silent for a moment. "Seriously honey, what's wrong?" she asks. Turning to her and look at the floor.

"I left Andrew in Scotland..." I tell her.

Scooting closer she placed her hand on top of mine. "Why?" she asks.

"He just... he's so annoying mother! All he can think about is getting with me, and I just want him to be my friend!" I tell her.

She sat there listening to my rant. "And he forcefully kissed me so I bit his lip and left... I couldn't take it anymore. He just doesn't understand that I don't feel the same way about him. Also, Lizzi is trying to go out with him too!" I continue.

Pursing her lips together she seemed a little ashamed. "Man, and here I thought it would be a good idea to get you two together. I didn't realize how annoyed you were with him." she says.

"Yeah, so I'd very much appreciate it if you didn't contact him. I'd like for him to stay out of my life." I tell her.

She squeezes my hand and smiles. "Sure thing sweetie. And personally, I think that Lizzi is just looking for attention. She doesn't need you." she says.

I nod and push my hair behind my ears. "Also... if I can, could I stay here while I look for a new place?" I ask.

She nods immediately, "Stay as long as you like. In fact, I can help you look." she says.

Smiling I lean into her. This was the first time I could actually count on her and not worry about her leaving me. Before I always kept my feelings and little things about myself personal because I didn't want her to have the chance to leave me again. "Thanks mom." I say.

"You're welcome sweetie, I know I've been a real bitch at times. But I really want you in my life. Even Milo does too. He's made me so happy." she says.

"I know, and I'm glad. You deserve to be happy ma." I say.

Getting up off the couch she turns to me and smiles, "Well I'm off to bed. Duchess is in your room I fed her an hour ago." she says.

Nodding I too stand up and begin heading off to my room. My mom headed back to hers where she shut the door. Walking in I pull all my bags in and set them beside the door. On my bed I found Duchess sleeping, smiling I walk over and run my fingers along her side causing her to wake up.

Duchess let out a loud meow as she stood up and began to purr. Picking her up I laugh softly as she rubs her head against my chin. "I missed you to girl." I whisper. After my little reunion with Duchess, I got myself ready for bed. Climbing in I pull the covers up past my waist and lay on my back allowing Duchess to come lay on my stomach like she usually always did.

Sighing softly I shut my eyes and slowly drift into deep sleep, for once feeling completely relaxed.

 

_~Dream/Memory~_

 

_Looking both ways I check to the left finding the hall empty that way, then turning my head to the right, there I saw him. The short man that was actually taller than me by a foot. He was much more handsome than what the books pictured him as, with his black hair and broad shoulders. Looking into his steel blue eyes I found them slightly surprised. Oh shit, this isn't a dream._ __  
__  
_Turning to him I stood there as he slowly approached. I saw his lips moving but didn't hear the words come out. I looked down at his hands that were held out as if he was trying to show me it was okay and not to be scared. Then looking past him I saw another familiar face. Eren._ __  
__  
_With wide eyes, I knew I couldn't be near him. If this all was real then I couldn't be around him, I could screw with the future more than I already am. Turning in the opposite direction I start running for it. "Wait!" I hear someone call. Turning the corner I tried to find my way to the front._ __  
__  
_Looking down I saw the key flailing around out in the open. Quickly I stuff the key into my shirt so no one could see it. Turning another corner I found myself in the main hall there were more people, as I ran down they all stared at me then turned their attention back behind me. Looking back I could see the Captain running at a fast speed._ __  
__  
_With wide eyes, I let out a shocked gasp. Damn, he's fast. He was gaining on me, weaving my way through the crowd I could hear him yelling at people to stop me. Turning another corner I nearly ran into a very tall blonde man with a slight beard and rather large nose._ __  
__  
_With wide eyes, he went to grab me but I quickly dodge his quick moves. I continue to dash the halls checking back again I could see the blonde man now after me along with the Captain. I was growing tired already from all the running which caused me to slow down._ __  
__  
_Looking along the wall I found an opened window and decided to quickly jump to it, looking back I could see both guys speeding up. Swiftly I slip through the window falling to the ground._ __  
__  
_Looking back up I could see Captain Levi sitting on the window seal prepared to jump. "Get back here brat." he snaps. I had little time to catch my breath for he jumped out of the window. Letting out a tired sigh I start running again, looking back I could see the Captain leaping toward me. With little time to react, I go to dodge only for him to tumble on top of me._ __  
__  
_We rolled on the ground until I found myself being straddled. He pinned my arms down as he looked down at me, he was out of breath and sweating. I laid there hyperventilating, scared for my life at what he was going to do with me. "L-let me go." I stutter. I shook underneath him feeling nervous. From what I've read Levi wasn't a nice guy and would kill anyone if given a reason to._ __  
__  
_"Tch, no way in hell brat." he growls. Slowly getting off of me he grabbed my arms yanking me back up. From the corner of my eye, I could see Eren coming towards us. I turn and start yanking my arms hoping to break free._ __  
  


 

_~Dream/Memory Over~_

 

I shot up from the bed startling Duchess. Quickly bringing my knees to my chest I held myself as I shut my eyes tightly. I thought back to the dream, I was so scared then when Levi and I first met. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would've confessed to him sooner.

I wondered if I'd dream about him for the rest of my life and have this be the only thing I dwell on as I die alone wishing I never left him. As the days grew closer to when I had left, the more I thought about him and harder it got to suppress those cherished memories. If I could I'd go back to him, but I don't know if it was worth the risk of dying.

But I missed him. I really missed him, I missed his touch, his rude comments, and shit jokes. I had never imagined that I'd fall for the captain who looked over my many great grandfather. But I did and now I felt lonely. I had no real relationships to keep other than Desiree, and I didn't want to start another fire with someone else. 


	27. Who Knew

~Levi~

 

Walking quickly down the hall, Hanji followed me trying to convince me not to go. "Levi could you just stop and think for a second! I need you here to help me with all this, I'm not exactly commander material." she says.

Stopping I turn back to her and glare at her in annoyance. "You'll be fine, you have Armin's help and all the other brats. Need I remind you what I said?" I ask.

She stops and sighs, I knew she was frustrated. But I told her I was done losing people, and if it meant that I would have to be away for a little while then so be it. "No, I remember. Are you packed?" she asks.

"Not completely. I'm getting a few things ready still." I tell her.

Nodding she then pulls two books out of her arms and passes them over to me. "Here, take these. (Y/N) will know what to look for." she says.

Nodding I take them from her hands and walk off leaving Hanji behind. I get that my job was important but right now there was nothing to worry about. Titans weren't a threat at the moment and everything was okay.

 

~Hanji~

 

I watched him walk away. Since becoming commander, it wasn't easy. I wasn't that good at this and it was a stressful job and I finally understood the weight Erwin carried on his shoulders for years, but I could never be as good a commander as Erwin. Since Moblit died, it's been just as tough sure we lost a lot of comrades along the way but not as many as we did when fighting the beast titan along with Reiner and Bertholdt.

But because Erwin made a choice, I became the next commander. And to honor the man, I made sure I did my part as commander to see humanity move forward. Who knew it could be this difficult though. Erwin was better at this than I was, but I kept trying for humanity.

 

~Andrew~

 

Back home, in my lonely apartment, I drank most of my scotch until I felt completely numb. Since (Y/N) yesterday, I too came home seeing that there was no reason to stay any longer. Taking another gulp of the drink I slam the cup down and refill it.

I planned to drink the pain away. I was an idiot, and now I couldn't contact (Y/N) and as far as I know from her neighbors was that she was moving out. She really was going cold turkey on me and cutting me out for good.

Every time I closed my eyes I'd see hers, I was obsessed with her. Wholeheartedly in love and wanted her to be mine and only mine. Due to this guy named Levi, she didn't want me which I hated. I didn't know if he had hurt her or what, but I know if I ever met him I'd beat his ass.

My thoughts were soon stopped when I heard a knocking at my door. Slowly stumbling to my feet I make my way to the front door. Without thinking I opened it up finding an equally drunk Lizzi leaning against the door frame smiling.

"Hey hottie." she greets as she walks in. In her other hand, she gripped a beer bottle tightly and drank from it. Shutting the door I turn to her only to find her heading for my chair.

"You alone?" she asks.

With a sigh, I walk over to the chair and sit down. "Yep." I say popping the 'p'. That's when she sat in my lap and smiles devilishly.

"Perfect." she says. Before I knew it her lips were on my neck, kissing up and down sloppily. I just sat there and took another drink of my scotch. Grinding her hips into mine she continued to leave marks on my neck, which I didn't really care at the moment.

Her kisses began to trail up my neck, onto my jaw then softly pecking at my mouth. Slowly I begin to give into the kiss and sit up properly as my arms wrap around her waist. My right hand roughly grabbed her ass making her moan into the kiss. "Let's take this to the bedroom huh?" she wonders.

Her fingers start to fiddle with my shirt unbuttoning them slowly. After a minute of her roughly kissing me, my mouth began to hurt and I push her away. Wiping my lips I shake my head and look up at her. "Not tonight Lizzi. I'm not really in the mood." I tell her.

Smirking her hands start to trail to the hem of her shirt. "I can change that." she says as she unbuttons the top button revealing the black lace bra underneath. It was tempting but then I look over at my scotch then back at her.

Standing up I walk over to her and grab her arms. I begin to push her back towards the front door, forcing her to leave me alone.

"Maybe another time Liz." I tell her.

As I push her out the front door she looks back in confusion. "But- why not now?" she asks trying to walk back up to the door. Before she could come back in I shut the door and lock it, with a sigh I turn and lean against the door. That's when I received a call, it was from my mother. Answering it I did my best to sound like everything was fine.

"Hello, mother-

"Hi, sweetie. I don't really have a lot of time. I need you to get on a plane and come home." she says.

"Why?" I ask.

"Your father has just been arrested for money laundering." she says, she sounded as if she were crying, I wouldn't blame her after finding out such horrible news.

At that moment I dropped my phone in complete shock. I didn't know my father was even doing such a thing. It would be bad for the company, we could possibly lose it now that he's been arrested. And dad could go to prison for this. I took a minute to let it sink in before picking my phone back up and apologizing to my mother. Then after dropping the call I took a final gulp and was out the door. Who knew things could get any worse.


	28. Feels Like Home

~(Y/N)~

 

Tomorrow was the anniversary and for some reason I was nervous. In the kitchen, I was making breakfast. Today my mother and I decided we'd go house hunting, I wanted to find something quickly so I wouldn't have to stay too long.

While serving my food on a plate I hear a 'psst' sound coming from my left. Turning my head I find Milo at the entrance of the kitchen. A little confused I set down the full plate and walk out of the kitchen. Following him I saw him head to the front door, looking back for a moment I soon turn forward and head for the front door.

Walking out I turn to find him sitting in the swinging bench my mother had. Gently he patted down on the spot next to him beckoning me to come sit with him. Doing so I take a seat next to him to see what he wanted. "Yes?" I ask.

He smiles. "Your mother told me about your father. A real prick if you ask me." he says.

I smile and nod. It was kind of a touchy subject to talk to him about but I allowed him to keep talking. "Listen, kid, I know I haven't been in your life all that long. But I want you to know you can talk to me about anything. You can consider me as your father and not just Milo." he says.

Smiling, I liked that idea very much. "That'd be great." I say softly.

Placing his hand on top of mine, we sat there in silence enjoying each other's presence. It was nice to know Milo was willing to be there for me and step in. He was will to make memories with us and to help me move past the bad ones I gained from my actual father.

It didn't take long for my mother to find us both on the deck. "I just found food left in the kitchen." she says.

I turn to her. "Oh, sorry. I was gonna eat before we left but Milo wanted to talk." I tell her.

She smiles and comes to sit beside me. "What about? Is he trying to hire you into his engineering business?" she asks.

Smiling back at her I shook my head. "No honey. I was just telling her that she could think of me as her father." Milo tells my mother. She smiles and nods at us both.

"That's good to hear. (Y/N) sweetie, I'm gonna put your food in the fridge. You go change, I don't wanna be late when meeting the realtor." she says as she stands up.

Nodding I stand up and make my way inside after her leaving Milo who continued to sit out on the bench. Walking over to my room I ended up leaving the door open as I changed. Pulling my shirt over my head I didn't realize my mother had just gotten a full view of my entire back.

"Oh god!" she says.

Rushing into my room she shut the door and placed her hand on my back. I stand up straight and turn to face her while standing there in only a bra. "What?" I ask.

She twirls her finger around beckoning me to spin around. My lips form into an 'o' shape as I turn to show her my back. "Did Erick do this to you?" she asks me.

Turning my head to the side I nod. "He bought a whip when I started high school." I mutter. Quickly I throw a shirt on and turn to her, my mother's face had guilt written all over it.

"I'm such a horrible mother." she says as she takes a seat on my bed.

I didn't say anything, I just took a seat next to her. "No, mom. You didn't know because Erick never called." I tell her.

She turns to me looking a little confused. "Why couldn't you?" she asks.

I turn back and look at the floor. "The only phone available was the one in his bedroom and he kept that door locked all the time. All the other phones he cut. If I tried to run away he'd call the cops and have them take me back." I say.

"That's horrible, I'm so sorry sweetie. If I had known I would've never left you alone with him." she says.

I wondered if that was even true. Would she have come for me if she had known I was being hurt? I mean we were in a good place now, but back then she still decided to leave. And if she wanted me then she would've taken me then. "It's okay now mom. He's gone." I say.

Although it didn't change the past, I didn't have to worry about Erick being around to torment me. He was dead, end of story. The only things I had to worry about was my memories that would come back occasionally. Placing my hand on my mother back I gently pat there. "We should get going. Don't wanna be late." I say.

Smiling she nods in agreement and stands up off the bed. Going back to the door she opens it and walks out leaving me to finish getting ready. I was glad though I still had a mother, even when she could be a pain in the ass at times. I was just glad to have her, and a new father who I know won't hurt me.

Standing up I finish getting ready by slipping on some shoes and grabbing my phone then bag. Walking out of my bedroom I met my mother by the front door and watched as Milo walked in, he kissed my mother softly then turned to me. "You two have fun." he says.

Walking over he placed a soft kiss on my forehead then walked off towards the kitchen. Turning back to look at my mom I smile softly and walk outside with her. Going over to her car I get in the passenger seat while she got in the drivers. Backing out of the driveway she turns to the left and drove off down the street.

For a good portion of the day, I spent with my mother looking at a few apartments. I liked a few and kept them in mind. But I was glad I got to spend the day with her, I didn't think about anything else, just about which place I'd choose.

After looking at the last place, I felt a buzz from my phone. Pulling it out I look down to find a text from Desiree. Opening my phone I go directly to the message.  _'Can you meet me tonight?'_

I quickly type back replying yes then shut off my phone. Heading back to the car, my mother and I drove back home and on the way, we discussed which place was the best fit for me. 


	29. Belonged

~(Y/N)~

 

After a day of house hunting, I finally ended my day going to a restaurant where I met both Harry and Desiree. Something about a celebration and big surprise. Walking through the double doors I asked host where they were seated.

When they pointed me in the direction I quickly walk over and greet them. "Hey, guys!" I greet as I sit in the empty chair next to Desiree. Sitting back down Desiree took her husband's hand and looked at me. "Okay, so you know how Harry and I have been trying to have a baby?" she asks.

I nod and smile at them both. "Well, I'm pregnant!" she says in a high pitch tone.

I stand back up and lean over the table hugging them both. "That's amazing!" I say. Truly I was happy for the couple, I did my best to cover up the pain I felt inside, the same pain I had been dealing with since getting back. I guess over time I just got better at hiding it.

They both smile at me and then look to each other happily. Then turned to me, "We didn't think you'd be back so soon, and I was going to call you but Harry thought it'd be better if we told you in person." Desiree says.

I smile and hug her again. "I'm glad you waited, this is amazing! How far along are you?" I ask.

"21 weeks." she says

I was so happy for her and Harry looking at them both. Everything was getting so much better now that I had left Andrew. I hadn't thought about him once.

 

~Andrew~

 

Back home at the local pub, I was on the floor punching some random guy. Everything was going to shit. My family was going to lose the company, and my father couldn't get out of jail because we didn't have enough for his bail due to the fact we had to pay a fine that was half of what he stole.

I punched the guy below me multiple times as the other men tried to pull me off. It was like after losing (Y/N) everything was going to shit. Finally, the guys yanked me off and I was soon tossed outside and told me never to come back here.

Standing up I brush myself off and glare at the men who stood in front of the door.  _Well, this is fucking great!_  I let out a scoff walking away I went to find the next bar I could drink at.

 

~(Y/N)~

 

In bed that night I was looking through my journal that I kept while living in 850. It was a good thing I kept things heavily detailed. After reading through a few notes I close the book and lay back on my bed and shut my eyes.

 

~Dreaming/Memory~

 

_The room was dark only lit by the fireplace to the left of his desk._

_Walking past his desk I look out the window. From there I could see the lightning flashing outside. Flash after flash with soft little rumbles signaling the storm was still quite far from the headquarters. "Erwin hasn't told me what he locked you up for." Levi mentions._

_I held myself while keeping my eyes glued to outside the window. "Believe me you don't want to know." I sigh. Turning around I continued to hold myself from still being cold._

_Levi stood on the other side of his desk, his eyes boring into mine. I didn't want to tell him Erwin thinks I'm a spy, he'd get angry and I fear Levi more than I do Erwin. 'If Erwin wanted to he'd send me to the military police... but he hasn't... yet.'_

_"You still cold?" he asks changing the subject. I gently nod, stepping around his chair I slowly walk around his desk before I stood next to the fireplace. The warmth radiated from the flames onto me making me feel better._

_Levi snapped his fingers grabbing my attention. Looking his way he pointed to the floor beckoning me to sit on the floor. Doing as told I go and sit in front of him, my head looked back at him watching as he stepped over to the sofa. He picked up the neatly folded blanket and stepped back over to me._

_Unfolding it he held it open wide before draping it over my shoulders adding to the warmth. "Thanks." I mutter. Crouching down he sat beside me and leaned back._

_Looking down at my hands I wondered why he had come to get me knowing the consequences. "Levi." I call softly._

_"Hmm?" he hums._

_Keeping my eyes on my hand I let out a soft sigh. "Why did you bring me here? Why come to the cellar to get me when you could get in tro-"_

_"I don't know... got bored I guess." he sighs. 'He got me out of pure boredom?!' Looking up I meet his gaze finding his cheeks a little flushed._

_"Really? You came to get me because you were bored? Are you that lonely?" I ask._

_His eyes darted forward while his face contorted into a slight cringe. "I'm starting to regret letting you out." he mutters._

_With legs crossed, I turn to him. "You got me out because you missed me didn't you?" I ask now starting to tease him. I poked at his shoulder a couple times before his hand slipped into mine._

_"Tch, you're delusional." he groans._

_Laughing at his remark I shook my head. "I don't think so." I chuckle. With my other hand, I continued to poke at him watching his face become more flushed. 'He did miss me, after only three days.'_

_"Com'on admit it, you missed me." I chuckle._

_"Who would miss your excessive chatter?"_

_Grabbing my other hand he stopped my poking altogether. His hands were gentle around mine, I noticed him pulling them back which brought me closer to his face. "I'm only teasing." I mutter._

_I watched his eyes shift from my eyes to my mouth. As I grew closer to his face the more my heart raced. 'It's like that time in the woods... and hot spring I better do something quick-'_

_Before his lips could land onto my mouth I turn to the side. His lips fell onto my cheek instead, his lips were surprisingly softer than I imagined. He sat there for a moment before pulling his lips off my face. Quickly I sit back and turn forward staring at the fire. 'That was a close one...'_

 

~Dream/Memory Over~

 

I woke up the next morning with tears in my eyes. Today was the day, the day I remember it all, how I fell in love and left him. Where I remember meeting my many great grandfather, fought titans, and felt utter fear, but remember how I belonged.


	30. A Year Later

~(Y/N)~

 

I stood there in front of the entrance. It was the same from when I first saw it maybe a little more vines had grown this year. The Scout Regiment headquarters, the place I stayed at before the 57th expedition. To think that then I wanted to bad to come back home. Opening the gate I walk past it and into the frozen grass. I waited until evening to come here, I figured I'd spend the day with my family before coming knowing I'd only be here for a couple of hours.

I walk through the tall grass over to the large doors that were already open. As I entered the dark dusty place, I quickly pull out my phone and turn on the flashlight to help guide me through this unrecognizable place now.

It was surprising how so much remained. It felt odd being here again, but at a time where I couldn't even tell where the rooms were. I was guided by pure guessing, and memory. The first place I wanted to go to was my room which was to the left of the entrance. And from there I'd easily find Levi's office.

My steps were cautious as I made my way through the dark, damp ruins. The only source of light came from my phone. The first door on my write was Hanji's office, I had stopped to read the old sign after wiping it clean. Unfortunately now, the roof had caved in blocking the door to her office. It seemed this place was slowly falling apart piece by piece, year after year.

 

~Lizzi~

 

Yanked in by the arm I was soon pushed against a wall. "This is crazy- what we're doing." Andrew breathes. I go up to meet his lips in a heated kiss, with my right hand I pull his head down so we were level. After parting lips, for the fourth time, I shook my head and smirked.

"Nobody has to know." I whisper.

With that, he took me into his strong arms and held me close as we met lips again. We didn't care about the consequences- right now I needed him in me. Spinning me around we both began stumbling over to the bed. As we both fell Andrew stopped himself just before landing on me so he wouldn't crush me.

Wiggling on the bed I slip off my coat and toss it on the ground. Then I reach for his shoulders and pull at his buttons. One by one they came off revealing the glorious body he had underneath. His shirt came off and not a moment later did my pants. His kisses would soon trail down to my neck leaving plenty of marks there.

And with that, we continued on sharing the moment not giving a damn who it would hurt afterward.

 

~(Y/N)~

 

As I made it to my room, I slowly reach for the knob and open the door slowly. Peaking my head into the darkroom, I stick my hand in shining the light in the room. Slipping in I shut the door behind me and take in the whole view.

It was much smaller than I had remembered, but then again it's been a year now since I had been in it. Slowly I make my way over to the bed and stop in front of the window beside it. Looking out, I remember the time I jumped out to escape Levi.

 

_~Memory~_

 

_I go to push him off me letting out a soft grunt. "You never thought to ask if I wanted to go, and when I decided not to go you forced me- So, you disrespected my decision you prick." I groan, with enough force I pushed him off of me and quickly rushed out of his office._ __  
_  
_ _Bolting across the hall I made it into the safety of my room then locked my door. To keep him from barging in I moved a very heavy dresser in front of the door to keep him from opening the door. Darting my head around the room I was ready to bolt again if he managed to break in._

_A pounding at my door signified he was angry. "(Y/N) move whatever is in front of this damn door now!" I hear him shout._

_Out of fear, I head for the window. Looking back I watched the door slowly open from Levi pushing it with all his strength. When he got in he stopped and stared for only a moment as I sat on the ledge of the window. "Don't you-_

_I slipped out of the window and fell out on the other side before he could finish. Looking up I watched him come up and look out. "Get back here you shit!" he shouts._

_Looking up I shook my head and lifted my middle finger to him. "Screw you old man." I insult once more. With that, I hightailed it into the forest. I rushed past the trees, keeping a steady pace knowing at any moment I'll have to speed up. 'I need to find a way home now, screw this mission, I'm no help to anyone, I'm just a lousy researcher I don't know shit'. Shaking my head as I continue to run, not paying attention I turn my eye forward and get whipped in the face by a branch._

_Stopping for a moment I held my face before pulling my hand back finding it stained in red. "(Y/N)!" I hear Levi call. Stopping I noticed he sounded really close. I turn to head in another direction all while checking behind me._

_Again, I gained another injury from not looking at what was in front of me. Tripping over a large rock I tumble over, face planting into the ground. I laid there for a minute before letting out a pained groan. Slowly sitting up I look back and find something unexpected._

 

~Memory Over~

 

Thinking back made me smile a bit. Soon I turn back and begin to head over to Levi's office, walking across the room I almost reach the door when I step on a creaky floorboard. Stopping I look down and step off of it for a moment.  _Oh right, the spot where I hid all my things._  I knelt down and popped the board up. Setting it beside me I flash my light over the little hole and look in finding only one thing.

I didn't expect anything to be in there but there was. An envelope. I take the fragile paper into my hands and stand up. Flipping it over I see a bit of a signature. I look closely soon making out the L and soon spelling out Levi's full name, then mine below.

It was a letter from him.

Carefully I pull the envelope open. Once it was open I slowly pull the letter out and unfold it. I was shocked to see what was written inside let alone at the fact that it stayed intact for so long.

_(Y/N),_

_I don't really know what to write..even with Hanji's explanations I still have a difficult time understanding._

_As dumb as it sounds, I wish you were still here to help me better understand I miss-_

I stop reading when I hear a loud crash sound outside the room. Walking over to the door I reach for the knob and open it slowly. Stepping out I shine my light to the left finding nothing down that way. Then as I turn to the right I shine my light on someone who was stumbling through the rubble.

I go to shove the letter away when I turn it over. On the back, it read  _'I'm coming for you.'_  Then looking up at the person before me I felt my heart stop.  _Could it be?_  I exit the room and cautiously make my way to the person in the rubble. When I got close enough I knew then, before I could say anything he looked up at me. He was completely naked. "(Y/N)?" is all Levi said before passing out.

 

To Be Continued...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys would like to see the trailer, preview, and Q&A, you can find it on my Wattpad account tomorrow at 12 A.M EST. 
> 
> Lastly, I'd like to say thank you guys for the continuous love and support for this series. I know this book was a little long and annoying with Andrew around, but I hope you all are looking forward to the last book in this series. Anyway love you guys so much and I will see you in a few weeks with the first chapter of the new series!
> 
> Also if you have any question on here, feel free to comment them and I will get back to you as soon as possible!
> 
> The next book will be published December 27th.


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